Oh man, what a world of intricate bullshit I live in. I have been so wrapped up dealing with this shit, I ain’t had a chance to finish my latest blog until today. Being a good and dutiful husband, and a Christian mind you, I have to be there at all times for my b*tch. Marriage is for better or for worse, and my b*tch has been dropping a world of ‘worse’ on me the past few days. I have been non-stop irritated like a motherf*cker because of this shit. First, she tells my ass to mow the lawn. OK fine, it’s a duty of mine and I am obligated to do it- and do it well. But the b*tch doesn’t have to step up and be bossy to my ass. I had to lay it down for her and let her know I am ‘da man’ of the house, and my word is law! So I think she’s starting to remember her subservient place in the home- and then, in the middle of my ass mowing our lawn- the b*tch decides she’s gonna tell me to move some of her damn potted plants around. Aww, hell no b*tch! I got all up in her face and let her know what her role in our house is. To cook and clean and to ‘receive it’ when the man (Re: ME) busts his nut. I told her to remember her place and she’d be happier. So halfway through moving the b*tch’s stupid plants, her ass tells me she wants to go out for a fancy dinner and that MY ass needs to dress nice- for once- she says. I told the b*tch that as God is my witness, she was lucky I didn’t bend her over the hedge and take her from behind- right there in the motherf*king yard! Just to demonstrate my dominance A fancy dinner out is something you do for a b*tch when her ass has pleased you, not some bossy freaky-ass b*tch that thinks she’s gonna boss her man around. Hell b*tch! We just went to the Olive Garden last month! What the f*ck are you thinking you skank-ass fool? Then the b*tch says I gotta take her to the mall and buy her a pair of sandals? I had to pray to God and seek the serenity of Christ not to throw her out of our speeding car. Her ass ain’t worth nothing except the tits and ass and p*ssy. I have had it with this sh*t. God, strengthen my will.
I AM TOO PISSED ABOUT THIS SH*T TO CONTINUE, I’LL WRITE MORE NEXT BLOG…
I didn’t live all these years, filled with wisdom and compelled past the contemporaneous, the superfluous and the commonplace without having a strong, unbeatable instinct for TRUTH. I got wisdoms from way back, from ON HIGH! The Lord God feeds me knowledge and filters facts and factoids through his wisdom, scrutinizing them for truth and righteousness. So, what that means is, everything I hold to be true and wholeheartedly believe is right is RIGHT, because I have God making the decisions about what comes into my mind. When I feel those feelings that tell me something is 100% true- I get that feeling from God, from Christ. So I have no doubts son! No doubts whatsoever, for my wingman, my partner, my compadre, my comrade, the mustard to my hotdog- is God, the most high. Step off, you pimps of the false. I am right and your asses are wrong, deal with it you no-truth-having motherf*ckers! Hell son, I am a teacher of youth, and I know at all times what I am talking about.
Let’s start with these lames who make all conspiracy theories look bad- the freaks, the punks, the dudes with they heads up they asses. These dudes are in need of the ultimate beat down- God’s wrath. Let these piece of sh*t motherf*ckers drink the bitter wine of the Lord’s vengeance. Let’s break it down- righteous style:
We never landed on the moon: This shit was on TV motherf*cker! That alone is reason to dismiss this, the worst of all false conspiracy theories. We clearly, CLEARLY did go to the moon. What more can I say? Buzz Armstrong and his testimony alone- is proof enough as well. We went to the goddamned motherf*cking moon, case closed.
JFK’s murder was part of a conspiracy: Anybody with a brain knows if there was some deep conspiracy to murder JFK- they’d have killed the motherf*cker all quiet like. It’d have looked like natural causes. He’d have choked on a chicken bone or something. Lee Harvey Osmond did it alone- cause his ass was trying to impress the motherf*cking Russians. I know it, and so do all the other clear-headed, smart ass Christian men out there on the multi-superfluous world wide web. Step correct fools- there was no conspiracy. Y’all punk-ass lames is wrong as always.
Area 51: C’mon dudes, what sorta lame does your ass have to be to believe in little green men? “Ooooh we be alien,s and we can fly across the motherf*cking galaxy, but these New Mexico telephone lines are too much for our asses!” There ain’t no f*cking aliens! The only aliens we have to worry about are beaners and the like. They’re from Mexico- not Alpha Centauri motherf*ckers! Time to get wise son!
I have to stop again now- my jimmy's getting thick- signalling my wife's one good use...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
‘Da issues ‘08
I can’t stop writing. I feel to righteous, too impassioned, too RIGHT about these issues to cease laying it down straight and true for y’all. There are quite a few things in life that are right/wrong, all/nothing issues. Politics is one of them. And if you think your ass is responsible enough to vote- to carry the perilous and profoundly promethean burden of having your say in our shared government- then your ass needs to come correct and get y’ass straight and true on the ISSUES. The issues. The issues. DA ISSUES! Now, most of you out there aren’t going to be as right as I am all the time, so you can read my words and take them to heart, or at least let my indomitable intellect inspire you to get off your ass and vote RIGHT on the issues. If you agree with me, then congratulations- you are part of the small percentage of peeps that actually has an in depth understanding of politics, logic, and most important- right and wrong. So read on, be you a truth pimp like me- or a lame like the rest. But regardless of your opinion, God the most high, is on my side.
(I wish I could tell my class about these issues, but I can’t. I don’t wanna lose my job on my principles. Besides, they’re only 8-9, so why waste my time anyway? Being politically correct is more important to state educational bureaucracy than truth, unfortunately I am afraid).
So here are the issues that matter:
- STATE’S RIGHTS: This is a much bigger issue than many people believe. Let me give y’all an example. Remember when Bush ran against James Kerry last election? If you do, you probably remember the terms ‘red state’ and ‘blue state’ entering our shared popular American lexicon. These terms basically meant a state that was red was conservative (and in some media outlets ‘ignorant’), and blue was liberal- or knowledgeable and enlightened (haha!). You can, however, use this separation in a more accurate, logical way: Red states are righteous, old-fashioned, Christian- and blue states are a bunch of f*gs and hippies in places like New York, Oregon and California. I am from California- so I know. Most Californians are morally bankrupt, and either on drugs or f*g sympathizers or both. THIS IS WHY state’s right are so damnably crucial. Red states should have the RIGHT to make laws that enforce the honest, righteous values they hold dear. Hell, I wouldn’t give a sh*t if crazy ass, liberal states like Vermont make it ok for f*gs and fruits and rug-munchers to get married, if red states could make being a f*g at all an illegal act. I’d move there- and not have to worry about my kids seeing two dudes in line in front of us at the Coldstone Creamery, holding hands. If a state had the right to make any law it wanted, and not be interfered with by outside (re: Federal) forces- hell, we could have a decent, Christian state for once. Damn, just thinking about it makes me smile.
- ABORTION: We live in a crazy, insane, tumultuous, foul, bedraggled and immoral nation. A nation that says it’s ok for some nazi-esque Planned Parenthood murderer (re: 'Doctor') to kill little, innocent precious living babies! How does that not sicken each and EVERY one of us? Oh yeah- bombing the sh*t out of one of those clinics is ‘murder’, sure, whatever bro. Is it murder to shoot a man that’s in the process of killing some innocent person? If your child was playing in the park, and you saw some freak running at your child with an axe- would it be ‘murder’ to shoot the motherf*cker? Yeah, I thought not. Murdering a murderer?? Sounds like a DAMN oxymoron to me. Think about it.
- UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE: The fallacy of universal healthcare is one of the most dangerous f*ggot conspiracies of them all. It is so egregiously insidious because it SOUNDS moral and right. Of course everyone should have healthcare, right? WRONG. It doesn’t make fiscal or moral sense in reality! It’d never work! They say “Oh look at Canada!” Yeah... whatever. What- are we gonna start calling round slices of ham ‘bacon’ like they do now? F*ck those Canadians. Their system doesn’t work. Case closed. Go eat some more maple syrup and shove your damn maple leaf flag up your cold, shivering asses.
- LEGALISATION OF DRUGS: Hell no! If you make any drug legal, you say to the youth of America “Drugs is good! Drugs is ok!” I can tell you that if they ever make drugs legal- get ready for the fast track plan for unholy Armageddon. Hey, that’s fine with me, my soul is spoken for- as it has been for years. My heavenly robes are already half sewn son! But the rest of y’all, all you pot heads and stoners, junkies, crackheads and the rest of you f*ckers- your asses are going straight to eternal hell- THAT MUCH SOONER. Hope your high was worth it. Jesus saves.
- IMMIGRATION: Hey, let’s be straight, let’s stop beating around the motherf*cking bush on this one, ok? Immigration issue = Mexicans. Y’all know it, and I know it. These little dudes think it’s ok to come over here and do whatever they want. Well, you know what? It ain’t! If you want to know what these gardeners and dishwashers and busboys and maids are really like- here’s an experiment for you: Go to Tijuana. It’s close if you live in the southwest. Hell, if you don’t, just 'google' Tijuana. It’s a festering, rat-harboring, sucking cesspool of prostitution, vice, liquor and sin.... a refried-bean-stankin’ hellhole! Think of your town, then think of Tijuana… Hmm, do y’all hear me yet? As far as I’m concerned all you Mexicans can stay south of the damn border and just be happy with y’all’s bad plumbing and those people who sit on the sidewalk selling chiclets gum packets and ceramic donkeys. Suckaz, ya brought it on ya’selves!
So that’s it for now peepz- I am tired, this is my second post for today. I am just too, TOO impassioned!
-RoRo OUT!
(I wish I could tell my class about these issues, but I can’t. I don’t wanna lose my job on my principles. Besides, they’re only 8-9, so why waste my time anyway? Being politically correct is more important to state educational bureaucracy than truth, unfortunately I am afraid).
So here are the issues that matter:
- STATE’S RIGHTS: This is a much bigger issue than many people believe. Let me give y’all an example. Remember when Bush ran against James Kerry last election? If you do, you probably remember the terms ‘red state’ and ‘blue state’ entering our shared popular American lexicon. These terms basically meant a state that was red was conservative (and in some media outlets ‘ignorant’), and blue was liberal- or knowledgeable and enlightened (haha!). You can, however, use this separation in a more accurate, logical way: Red states are righteous, old-fashioned, Christian- and blue states are a bunch of f*gs and hippies in places like New York, Oregon and California. I am from California- so I know. Most Californians are morally bankrupt, and either on drugs or f*g sympathizers or both. THIS IS WHY state’s right are so damnably crucial. Red states should have the RIGHT to make laws that enforce the honest, righteous values they hold dear. Hell, I wouldn’t give a sh*t if crazy ass, liberal states like Vermont make it ok for f*gs and fruits and rug-munchers to get married, if red states could make being a f*g at all an illegal act. I’d move there- and not have to worry about my kids seeing two dudes in line in front of us at the Coldstone Creamery, holding hands. If a state had the right to make any law it wanted, and not be interfered with by outside (re: Federal) forces- hell, we could have a decent, Christian state for once. Damn, just thinking about it makes me smile.
- ABORTION: We live in a crazy, insane, tumultuous, foul, bedraggled and immoral nation. A nation that says it’s ok for some nazi-esque Planned Parenthood murderer (re: 'Doctor') to kill little, innocent precious living babies! How does that not sicken each and EVERY one of us? Oh yeah- bombing the sh*t out of one of those clinics is ‘murder’, sure, whatever bro. Is it murder to shoot a man that’s in the process of killing some innocent person? If your child was playing in the park, and you saw some freak running at your child with an axe- would it be ‘murder’ to shoot the motherf*cker? Yeah, I thought not. Murdering a murderer?? Sounds like a DAMN oxymoron to me. Think about it.
- UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE: The fallacy of universal healthcare is one of the most dangerous f*ggot conspiracies of them all. It is so egregiously insidious because it SOUNDS moral and right. Of course everyone should have healthcare, right? WRONG. It doesn’t make fiscal or moral sense in reality! It’d never work! They say “Oh look at Canada!” Yeah... whatever. What- are we gonna start calling round slices of ham ‘bacon’ like they do now? F*ck those Canadians. Their system doesn’t work. Case closed. Go eat some more maple syrup and shove your damn maple leaf flag up your cold, shivering asses.
- LEGALISATION OF DRUGS: Hell no! If you make any drug legal, you say to the youth of America “Drugs is good! Drugs is ok!” I can tell you that if they ever make drugs legal- get ready for the fast track plan for unholy Armageddon. Hey, that’s fine with me, my soul is spoken for- as it has been for years. My heavenly robes are already half sewn son! But the rest of y’all, all you pot heads and stoners, junkies, crackheads and the rest of you f*ckers- your asses are going straight to eternal hell- THAT MUCH SOONER. Hope your high was worth it. Jesus saves.
- IMMIGRATION: Hey, let’s be straight, let’s stop beating around the motherf*cking bush on this one, ok? Immigration issue = Mexicans. Y’all know it, and I know it. These little dudes think it’s ok to come over here and do whatever they want. Well, you know what? It ain’t! If you want to know what these gardeners and dishwashers and busboys and maids are really like- here’s an experiment for you: Go to Tijuana. It’s close if you live in the southwest. Hell, if you don’t, just 'google' Tijuana. It’s a festering, rat-harboring, sucking cesspool of prostitution, vice, liquor and sin.... a refried-bean-stankin’ hellhole! Think of your town, then think of Tijuana… Hmm, do y’all hear me yet? As far as I’m concerned all you Mexicans can stay south of the damn border and just be happy with y’all’s bad plumbing and those people who sit on the sidewalk selling chiclets gum packets and ceramic donkeys. Suckaz, ya brought it on ya’selves!
So that’s it for now peepz- I am tired, this is my second post for today. I am just too, TOO impassioned!
-RoRo OUT!
Ya gotta GIVE IT UP TO GOD!
You know, no matter who gets elected as our next President, they are still just human beings. They have ZERO dominion over the eternal spirit. They are just punk-ass lames compared to God, who can rightly be considered the President of Heaven. And Jesus is like the Vice President. I guess the Holy Spirit would be Speaker of the House, or whatever the heavenly equivalent is. It doesn’t matter, y’all get my meaning on this metaphor right? These reasons are why I am making the focus of this blog entry ‘religious motivation in politics- and the dumbass bullsh*t fools who don’t give it up to God.’ Y’all better recognize the fact you’re going to Hell and burning like the World Trade Center if y’all don’t accept Jesus Christ into your heart as Lord and Savior, you damn fool assh*les!
Here’s the message: GIVE IT UP TO GOD.
My black brothers? Give it up to God!
Whites? Give it up to God!
F*ggots? Give it up to God! (And stay away from ‘da back door’ you queers)
B*tchs? Give it up to God!
Chinese? Give it up to God!
Hindus? Give it up to God!
Towelheads? Forget it. (God
is done with your asses. Just get ready for hellfire you dumbass savages!)
There is only ONE true religion, CHRISTIANITY. I may be a Baptist, but any sort of true Christianity can probably get your ass into heaven (Baptists 100% chance, yo. Represent!). Mormons can go f*ck themselves. I hope they all burn in hell. Burn with the Muslim, the Hindu, the Jew, the chink and the Atheist. Speaking about Atheists, dayam, these motherf*ckers are so far away from the light of Jesus Christ they are gonna burn extra hardcore. These motherf*ckers have got one hell of a righteous, indefatigable, soul-searing SMACK DOWN coming from the universe’s #1 asskicker- GOD. Y’all better recognize and GIVE IT UP TO GOD before it’s too late for y’all’s non-believing asses.
Man, those Atheists are the stupidest, most foolish, mentally deficient, and (by their own design) most blasphemous motherf*ckers on Earth. That’s God’s Earth btw. GOD'S EARTH!Them and their evolution and ‘science’ are a joke. Hey Atheists- why don’t y’all suck my d*ck and shove your astro-physics up your non-believing assh*les, ok? F*ck you Atheists. Jesus saves.
John 3:16 READ IT.
Much love for everyone in the light of Christ,
-RoRo
Here’s the message: GIVE IT UP TO GOD.
My black brothers? Give it up to God!
Whites? Give it up to God!
F*ggots? Give it up to God! (And stay away from ‘da back door’ you queers)
B*tchs? Give it up to God!
Chinese? Give it up to God!
Hindus? Give it up to God!
Towelheads? Forget it. (God
is done with your asses. Just get ready for hellfire you dumbass savages!)
There is only ONE true religion, CHRISTIANITY. I may be a Baptist, but any sort of true Christianity can probably get your ass into heaven (Baptists 100% chance, yo. Represent!). Mormons can go f*ck themselves. I hope they all burn in hell. Burn with the Muslim, the Hindu, the Jew, the chink and the Atheist. Speaking about Atheists, dayam, these motherf*ckers are so far away from the light of Jesus Christ they are gonna burn extra hardcore. These motherf*ckers have got one hell of a righteous, indefatigable, soul-searing SMACK DOWN coming from the universe’s #1 asskicker- GOD. Y’all better recognize and GIVE IT UP TO GOD before it’s too late for y’all’s non-believing asses.
Man, those Atheists are the stupidest, most foolish, mentally deficient, and (by their own design) most blasphemous motherf*ckers on Earth. That’s God’s Earth btw. GOD'S EARTH!Them and their evolution and ‘science’ are a joke. Hey Atheists- why don’t y’all suck my d*ck and shove your astro-physics up your non-believing assh*les, ok? F*ck you Atheists. Jesus saves.
John 3:16 READ IT.
Much love for everyone in the light of Christ,
-RoRo
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Voting brothers, God, and getting really 'real' with gays for once
In this world, so salaciously festooned with the depraved works of the wicked, picking a President should be seen as a sacred duty. Like naming your children, choosing your charities and even, yes, the model of car you drive (Escalade? Hell no to the ghetto- I drive a BMW like a white man, I have arrived b*tch!). Yeah, you heard me right! Now Giuliani is the man, he's in- if people vote like me. But I am concerned, worried, confounded and perturbed by the thought of my brothers and sisters blindly voting Democratic as is our tradition. Hey. It’s understandable because of history. When George Washington went to Africa to buy slaves (this happened, though you don’t read it in most history books) it was emblematic of the times, and of times that would continue for almost two hundred years- remember that. My people couldn’t vote until the motherf*cking nineteen sixties! If the man hadn’t been so nice in the end, we’d probably still not be able to vote. That is some damn f*cked up sh*t. So let no man, NO MAN, tell me I don’t know my history, or that I am not sympathetic to the reasons so many brothers vote democratic in such a blind, reactive way. And although I am sympathetic- most of my chocolate brothers are just pathetic. Bill Clinton was the first black president? Hell no, f*ck that. That man’s whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost. And another thing- what the hell is he doing with that Monica Lewinsky? She’s white! If he was ‘the first black president’ he’d have nailed a sister in the Oval Office.
The brown people of the present, and more importantly, of the future- should get real and vote with their Christian righteousness- vote CONSERVATIVE and republican. We need to wake up and learn that to be like the white man is not forgetting who you are. Look at me- I’m black, AND I keep it real. I drive a nice car, have a good job and a family that’s going places. Sure I do a bunch of traditionally ‘white’ things. But so what? I don’t give a f*ck what my blind brothers back in the neighborhood think. Hell, I took my wife to a square dancing class last month! I listen to country (forget those ghetto gangsta hip hop fools!), I take horseback riding lessons and I eat at Black Angus at least twice a month, so you know I am legit. Hell son! I put the ‘black’ in Black Angus. Come to think of it, I could go for one of their bad ass appetizer platters right now! Mmmmm mmmmmm!
But I also think it’s near equally important to NEVER vote for a condidate that supports gay ‘rights’ or marriage or any of that sinful f*ggot sh*t. We have to put those swishes BACK in the closet and padlock the motherf*cker and throw away the damn key! Spreading their AIDS, their diseases, their sin, their depravity and devilish, diabolical and unnatural practices. To be a f*g is to be a blind fool. How can you NOT know your d*ck doesn’t belong up another dude’s assh*le? How stupid do you have to be- how blind- that you can’t see as plain as m*therfucking daylight that the b*tch was made for the man’s d*ck. The female- the b*tch, was MADE for a man's d*ck! They were literally created by God The Father to take a penis and then have shorties. And d*ck was made for the b*tch, to spead her wide and put that load deep inside!
END OF STORY.
The brown people of the present, and more importantly, of the future- should get real and vote with their Christian righteousness- vote CONSERVATIVE and republican. We need to wake up and learn that to be like the white man is not forgetting who you are. Look at me- I’m black, AND I keep it real. I drive a nice car, have a good job and a family that’s going places. Sure I do a bunch of traditionally ‘white’ things. But so what? I don’t give a f*ck what my blind brothers back in the neighborhood think. Hell, I took my wife to a square dancing class last month! I listen to country (forget those ghetto gangsta hip hop fools!), I take horseback riding lessons and I eat at Black Angus at least twice a month, so you know I am legit. Hell son! I put the ‘black’ in Black Angus. Come to think of it, I could go for one of their bad ass appetizer platters right now! Mmmmm mmmmmm!
But I also think it’s near equally important to NEVER vote for a condidate that supports gay ‘rights’ or marriage or any of that sinful f*ggot sh*t. We have to put those swishes BACK in the closet and padlock the motherf*cker and throw away the damn key! Spreading their AIDS, their diseases, their sin, their depravity and devilish, diabolical and unnatural practices. To be a f*g is to be a blind fool. How can you NOT know your d*ck doesn’t belong up another dude’s assh*le? How stupid do you have to be- how blind- that you can’t see as plain as m*therfucking daylight that the b*tch was made for the man’s d*ck. The female- the b*tch, was MADE for a man's d*ck! They were literally created by God The Father to take a penis and then have shorties. And d*ck was made for the b*tch, to spead her wide and put that load deep inside!
END OF STORY.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My take on the Presidential contenders
The 2008 presidential candidates- man, oh man alive, how they do not impress my ass. I always find myself in a precarious series of quandaries during these most momentous and magnitudinal times. Worse than Superbowl, the Oscars, CMAs, all that sh*t. As an aggressive follower of politics of current events, no matter how many promises I make to myself NOT to watch the news shows or read the internet- I always crack and gobble it up. So I figure I’ma throw my hat into the ring and lay it down tight, so tight it’s gonna open the eyes of anyone lucky enough to share my mind. So read these words, and step in justice brother.
DEMOCRATIC HOPEFULS (the donkey):
-Hillary Clinton: I know this isn’t going to be popular, but I am an old fashioned sort of man, and I have old fashioned sorts of values. Straight up- I am not voting for a woman. And even if I was going to vote for a b*tch, it would not be this sanctimonious shrew Hillary Clinton. Have you heard that hag’s freaky fake laughter? Man, I can’t believe she doesn’t know what a funky-ass witch she sounds like. Like it’s gonna be Halloween 24/7 365 in the White House if the skank ever gets elected. No way will I ever vote for her, and I have made it very plain to my wife that she will not be voting for Hillary (aka Da Witch) either. I am the man of the house, and that’s how it is and always will be.
-John Edwards: Screw this guy. I don’t care for his little Ken-Doll looking façade or his down home condescending Southern Values. I may be a Red State dude at heart- but this is one Southerner I do not like. I see his lips quivering, but I don’t hear a word he’s sayin’. Turn the page on this one brothers. Move on. (But f*ck http://www.moveon.org/ !)
-Barak Obama: I have decidedly mixed feelings about this rather dubious brother, plain and simple. First of all, the motherf*cker has not paid his dues! He’s a freshman politician, he’s not experienced in politics. Sure the dude’s a charming and a charismatic figure, but so what? So’s Denzel Washinton- are we pushing him into the Presidency? Yeah, I thought so. And his ‘blackness’, his colors, his cred- I don’t even know what to think. This brother is some kinda weird African or something. As much as I am loathe to say it, he doesn’t really even seem black. I don’t know man, I feel weird about him.
-Dennis Kucinich: I’m sorry? Dennis Kucinich? Uh yeah, he’s got a chance to win, sure... NEXT IN LINE PLEASE! This little jingle-bell-shoed elf should be up north making Christmas cookies and not wasting valuable airtime with his pointless campaign nonsense. Yeah he’s progressive, ‘cause he’s making ‘progress’ towards making me burst out in laughter!
-Bill Richardson: I don’t know sh*t about this cat, but he’s got a weird lookin’ face and I don’t like it. He looks like a liar, like a sneaky slimy snake that wants to harm us. I am just talking about the way he looks. I don’t know anything about him or his career. I do know one thing though- he ain’t gonna win! BURN.
REPUBLICAN HOPEFULS (the elephant):
-Rudy Giuliani: This dude was all over 9/11. That is important to me, both as and American- and as a Christian man. 9/11 was the most important event to ever happen in world history. Well, except for the Bible and Jesus and sh*t, but you get my drift. Rudy is a hero- y’all hear me? A H-E-R-O.! And I know they are gonna bring up his divorces and all that other bullsh*t they always try and smear candidates with. The Democrats will excoriate an opponent over something like infidelity- but they sucked the greasy c*ck of Bill Clinton 24/7/365! Double standards is all they deal in. We need leadership in these trying times, and the only man, the ONLY man- who has demonstrated said leadership is Sir Rudolph Giuliani. Period, end of story, step off. (He could get a last name your ass doesn’t have to Google to spell right though!)
-Mike Huckabee: A tough one, a real tough one. This dude divides my spirit, my soul. I am a Christian man, and I observe the faith and pray to my Jesus daily. My kids say their prayers, I tithe, I even have a picture of Christ in my wallet and in my desk drawer at work. (I can’t have the picture on top of my desk because it’s a public education setting.) This guy, called ‘Huck’ for some gay reason, is a man of God, but he’s white like a sheet and I think he hates black people deep down. Well, I think so, I don’t know really. I don’t think I want him to get the nomination, so I hope God is ok with that. I’ll pray on it.
-John McCain: He’s a war hero, the man was in a tiger cage like in ‘Deer Hunter’ or something. He did his duty, took his licks and did it like a man. I like the guy, I could deal with him as President if he weren’t old enough to be Dick Cheney’s gym teacher, ok? He looks decrepit, and I hate to say that, but it's true. We need a man who’s got some vitality in him in the White House. Sorry John, we love ya, but give it up dude.
-Mitt Romney: He’s a Mormon! That is, in my opinion, (and everyone else’s too) a CULT. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is Scientology without Tom Cruise, ok? They not only say they love Jesus, but I heard they worship rocks and metal plates and sh*t too. They are polygamy supporters and want to subvert the US government. I have no idea how Romney could have got this far because of his 'religion'. Oh no, oh NO- I would never support a President like that. How many first Ladies are we gonna have? 2? 3? 10??? No way. Wake up brothers. Ah, it’s not that big a deal, I don’t see him getting the nomination anyway.
-Ron Paul: Another religious man (sorry God!), but he’s a throwback, an isolationist with a totally antiquated view of world politics. He’s against killing little babies (abortion), which I approve of, but the guy’s in the dark about the international components of US government. He needs to get real with himself and start paying attention. So no, I won’t be voting for this man.
-Fred Thompson: I saw this guy on ‘Law and Order’ (I love that show!), so if Giuliani tanks, he’s maybe my #2. If he can act that good, imagine how he could fool and trick those foreign dictator types. Kim Jong Il would be all charmed and sh*t- then BLAM- we take over before he knows what’s coming. That could work, if it were done right. The timing would have to be like ‘Mission Impossible’ tight though. I saw an issue of ‘Newsweek’ with an article about him at my Aunt’s house, so I’m gonna stop by after work soon to pick it up. It’s about time I start looking into this man’s politics. Yeah, I’m about that.
-RoRo OUT!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DEMOCRATIC HOPEFULS (the donkey):
-Hillary Clinton: I know this isn’t going to be popular, but I am an old fashioned sort of man, and I have old fashioned sorts of values. Straight up- I am not voting for a woman. And even if I was going to vote for a b*tch, it would not be this sanctimonious shrew Hillary Clinton. Have you heard that hag’s freaky fake laughter? Man, I can’t believe she doesn’t know what a funky-ass witch she sounds like. Like it’s gonna be Halloween 24/7 365 in the White House if the skank ever gets elected. No way will I ever vote for her, and I have made it very plain to my wife that she will not be voting for Hillary (aka Da Witch) either. I am the man of the house, and that’s how it is and always will be.
-John Edwards: Screw this guy. I don’t care for his little Ken-Doll looking façade or his down home condescending Southern Values. I may be a Red State dude at heart- but this is one Southerner I do not like. I see his lips quivering, but I don’t hear a word he’s sayin’. Turn the page on this one brothers. Move on. (But f*ck http://www.moveon.org/ !)
-Barak Obama: I have decidedly mixed feelings about this rather dubious brother, plain and simple. First of all, the motherf*cker has not paid his dues! He’s a freshman politician, he’s not experienced in politics. Sure the dude’s a charming and a charismatic figure, but so what? So’s Denzel Washinton- are we pushing him into the Presidency? Yeah, I thought so. And his ‘blackness’, his colors, his cred- I don’t even know what to think. This brother is some kinda weird African or something. As much as I am loathe to say it, he doesn’t really even seem black. I don’t know man, I feel weird about him.
-Dennis Kucinich: I’m sorry? Dennis Kucinich? Uh yeah, he’s got a chance to win, sure... NEXT IN LINE PLEASE! This little jingle-bell-shoed elf should be up north making Christmas cookies and not wasting valuable airtime with his pointless campaign nonsense. Yeah he’s progressive, ‘cause he’s making ‘progress’ towards making me burst out in laughter!
-Bill Richardson: I don’t know sh*t about this cat, but he’s got a weird lookin’ face and I don’t like it. He looks like a liar, like a sneaky slimy snake that wants to harm us. I am just talking about the way he looks. I don’t know anything about him or his career. I do know one thing though- he ain’t gonna win! BURN.
REPUBLICAN HOPEFULS (the elephant):
-Rudy Giuliani: This dude was all over 9/11. That is important to me, both as and American- and as a Christian man. 9/11 was the most important event to ever happen in world history. Well, except for the Bible and Jesus and sh*t, but you get my drift. Rudy is a hero- y’all hear me? A H-E-R-O.! And I know they are gonna bring up his divorces and all that other bullsh*t they always try and smear candidates with. The Democrats will excoriate an opponent over something like infidelity- but they sucked the greasy c*ck of Bill Clinton 24/7/365! Double standards is all they deal in. We need leadership in these trying times, and the only man, the ONLY man- who has demonstrated said leadership is Sir Rudolph Giuliani. Period, end of story, step off. (He could get a last name your ass doesn’t have to Google to spell right though!)
-Mike Huckabee: A tough one, a real tough one. This dude divides my spirit, my soul. I am a Christian man, and I observe the faith and pray to my Jesus daily. My kids say their prayers, I tithe, I even have a picture of Christ in my wallet and in my desk drawer at work. (I can’t have the picture on top of my desk because it’s a public education setting.) This guy, called ‘Huck’ for some gay reason, is a man of God, but he’s white like a sheet and I think he hates black people deep down. Well, I think so, I don’t know really. I don’t think I want him to get the nomination, so I hope God is ok with that. I’ll pray on it.
-John McCain: He’s a war hero, the man was in a tiger cage like in ‘Deer Hunter’ or something. He did his duty, took his licks and did it like a man. I like the guy, I could deal with him as President if he weren’t old enough to be Dick Cheney’s gym teacher, ok? He looks decrepit, and I hate to say that, but it's true. We need a man who’s got some vitality in him in the White House. Sorry John, we love ya, but give it up dude.
-Mitt Romney: He’s a Mormon! That is, in my opinion, (and everyone else’s too) a CULT. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is Scientology without Tom Cruise, ok? They not only say they love Jesus, but I heard they worship rocks and metal plates and sh*t too. They are polygamy supporters and want to subvert the US government. I have no idea how Romney could have got this far because of his 'religion'. Oh no, oh NO- I would never support a President like that. How many first Ladies are we gonna have? 2? 3? 10??? No way. Wake up brothers. Ah, it’s not that big a deal, I don’t see him getting the nomination anyway.
-Ron Paul: Another religious man (sorry God!), but he’s a throwback, an isolationist with a totally antiquated view of world politics. He’s against killing little babies (abortion), which I approve of, but the guy’s in the dark about the international components of US government. He needs to get real with himself and start paying attention. So no, I won’t be voting for this man.
-Fred Thompson: I saw this guy on ‘Law and Order’ (I love that show!), so if Giuliani tanks, he’s maybe my #2. If he can act that good, imagine how he could fool and trick those foreign dictator types. Kim Jong Il would be all charmed and sh*t- then BLAM- we take over before he knows what’s coming. That could work, if it were done right. The timing would have to be like ‘Mission Impossible’ tight though. I saw an issue of ‘Newsweek’ with an article about him at my Aunt’s house, so I’m gonna stop by after work soon to pick it up. It’s about time I start looking into this man’s politics. Yeah, I’m about that.
-RoRo OUT!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My first blog post!
Yo! My name's Roland, but ma friends call me RoRo. I’ve been meaning to start a current events blog for a year now. But I kept puttin’ it off because’a my schedule and the pressures of being a man in these here tumultuous times. But watching these presidential race primaries, it got a fire like thunder burning in my heart. It got so bad it was like the sorta passion one feels when the pastor rocks the mic in church on Sunday! So no MO procrastination yo. I am through with that week-old bullsh*t. My opinions are worth hearing ‘cause I am not only a teacher of youth, but also a black man who is also a conservative. Sure, there have been others, but they are all whitewashed to high heaven, if ya catch my drift. I ain’t no sell out, I am authentic to the utmost degree, trust me. I handle my business, my family and my car. I am always devoted to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Praise Jesus! So, with all that nonsense out of the way, here come my political blogs! I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship! (I am excited, can you tell?)
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