IT’S MLK DAY!

Thaaaaaat’s right b*tchs! I got the damn day off. Some dude at work told me that Black folks get to drive in the carpool lane alone for this one day of the year. Ain’t no cop going to give a brother a traffic ticket today. I wanna just find a big parking lot and take off like a mad fool, doing donuts and power slides and sh*t! No seat belt, no nothing. I’m gonna drive through people’s front yards son! "Hope ya didn't just mow that sh*t, motherf*cker!" And tonight, right after dinner, I begin my annual MLK day movie marathon. I got a veritable ebony cornucopia of beautiful, bountiful blackness this year. Booty Call, Shaft in Africa, Mandingo and Uptown Saturday Night yo! And this is also the one day of the year my wife doesn’t make a huge stink about me bringing home a jar of pig’s feet and eating them on the couch, right out of the damn jar. Man, this is a day of fun, festive and fantastic frivolity. This is one day of the year where NO ONE gets in the way of my fun. I’ll tell my wife to take our kids and stay away ‘til dawn. She can go hang at her momma’s house. Today I am all about blackness! I even have one of those little African beanie hats like those Nation of Islam dudes wear. Embrace the darkness!

But I should take a moment to hip a lot of you brothers to the dark side of MLK. He was pretty damn un-American, and a man of suspicious, dubious character and behavior. This motherf*cker was a communist! He was a womanizer and a damn homo. He was supposed to be a man of God! Yet he’d skip from b*tch to dude to b*tch- snorting cocaine and hating on Democracy. He really just wanted to be a Black Joseph Stalin or some sh*t. There’s a good chance he ain’t with God now either, and that’s a damn shame. He ain’t no hero to me, like a John Wayne or Luther Campbell either. There’s no way some communist, who’s also half a fag, is going to be my hero. Hell, I heard he 'did' Jesse Jackson when he was young! Jesse Jackson probably got his speech all f*cked up from Dr. King ramming his head against the head board! Imagine talking all marble-mouthed for the rest of your damn life because MLK liked it rough!?! So as far as I’m concerned, he (MLK) got what was coming to him in the end, no pun intended. That secret fag got his communist brains blown out, and I heard his ‘friends’ in the movement tipped off that white dude that killed him. They couldn’t have no leftist fruit as the figurehead of the movement. Besides, the Bible says homos should die. Most Christians (including me) want the Bible’s laws actually enforced, i.e.: All homos should get the death penalty. And there’s half of me that thinks Christians should have MLK piñatas or something, “Take that you commie fruit drug addict!” Pow pow pow. Take it like Jessie took it!

But I won’t make too big a stink about MLK, on account of my ass having the day off. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on- hipping people to the truth, the WORD of God and real American values.

I'm gonna go out to my car and commence the festivities motherf*ckers! Happy MLK Day!!!