I gotta cheer up! All this freaky sh*t ain’t worth obsessing over.
That’s why it’s time for one of my famous RoRo fakt sheetz! I haven’t made one of these since I was dating my wife, I don’t know why, but I felt like making one now to cheer myself up after that stupid dream I had last night, and it’s terrible possible implications for our country and Christians everywhere. I don’t want to think about that sh*t any damn more!
So without further ado, here RoRo!
INTERESTING FAKTZ AND FIGURES ABOUT YOURS TRULY:
- I listen to Howard Stern 5 days a week!
- I am distantly related to actor Danny Glover, but I can’t stand his politics.
- I saw Star Wars in the theater in 1977 40 times.
- I hate all drugs except herb, which is a plant, and not a drug.
- I volunteer 2 days and 3 nights a week, breaking up my volunteer time between church-based outreach, cleaning our highways with at-risk youth, sweeping out pony cages at the park and reading to older people who have vision problems.
- I’ve been married for 7 years, too long! Just kidding. Maybe.
- I have 2 beautiful children who I love more than life itself.
- I have never broken a bone or had any major surgery
- I don’t go for that ghetto grape soda, I am into Sprite.
- I don’t like liver, not even with onions.
- I don’t believe in racism, but I acknowledge many stereotypes are very true. I am not too fond of Arabs right now, I have to be honest.
- I don’t think god hates fags that repent and have the discipline to turn back straight- but if they don’t they’re gonna burn for eternity.
- I have voted republican across the board for more than 10 years.
- I don’t like Hip Hop or RnB or whatever. I like rock and country. It’s my style.
- I love, love, love ice cream. My preference? MF’n strawberry.
- Jay Leno? Funniest man alive.
- I believing in hipping people to the truth about heaven and hell, even if it’s uncomfortable.
- I am known to friends and family as notoriously ‘gassy’. And proud of it!
- I like me a good steak.
- I am no longer a player, but I had me some wild times I have to much class to give the details on!
- Thursday night is poker night.
- I am a master with my BBQ, I OWN that grill. I dig on gas and don’t have time for no damn briquettes.
- I love eating at Carl’s Jr, and eat there 3-5 times a week. Favorite? Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger and Western Bacon 6 Dollar Burger.
- I can bench press 450lbs son!
Monday, January 28, 2008
I HAD A REALLY DISTURBING DREAM ABOUT THE DEMOCRATS LAST NIGHT.
I'm not feeling too good right now.
Oh lord, it was so messed up. I have my fair share of vivid dreams, but the usual sort of stuff. Sure I have good ones, bad ones, and the more than occasional night terror- but this last dream has gotten me all bugged the f*ck out. I have been awake since 4am over this mess. I admit it’s a weird-ass dream, and if I didn’t believe in prophetic dreams or oneiromancy is given to men by GOD, I would never share this creepy sh*t with you. I am not superstitious, I believe in the supernatural OF COURSE, but I believe in the supernatural forces that come from either the power of God or the dominions of Satan. No gay ass tribal shit or boogeymen for me. That superstitious nonsense is for kids. Hey, I am an intellectual, a teacher and a renaissance man all around. I do NOT care for voodoo however- that shit is from the devil and it’s damn real. It’s demonic, and as my Christian brothers know- the devil is FOR REAL. And it is most definitely not superstition. This one crazy old b*tch that lived near my old place of employment was trying to put a curse on me, because I was talking to people in the neighborhood about Christ and the b*tch saw me trying to witness to some of her neighbors. She would peer out at me from behind her curtains and sh*t, she’d make weird faces and hand motions. I ended up changing jobs (not only because of this old b*tch though, I move UP in the world. Better jobs, better times, all that.) I threw a big rock through a glass pane in her front door on my last day at that place. I do NOT play around with voodoo, I am a soldier of God. The satanic b*tch got what was coming, and I’d have loaded up a car with my boys and went and stomped her if the law would have allowed. The world should not be forced to suffer such emissaries of the devil.
But I am getting carried away again, and this is about my dream- and specifically, it’s about Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Ted damn Kennedy. And it is laced with religious or prophetic signs and imagery. Ok, so it starts off with me sitting in a station wagon (Or Aerostar type minivan maybe?), it’s pitch dark outside and I am not alone in the vehicle. I become slowly aware of the conversation taking place around me, a woman’s voice and several men’s voices. After a minute or so, I realize I am hearing Hilary Clinton’s voice. It is soon joined by what I recognize to be Barack Obama’s voice, her husband Bill and Ted Kennedy. They are whispering almost, and they are being very serious. They are all wearing black, and Ted Kennedy has a pair of dark glasses on- in the middle of the night! Now, it’s all pretty realistic, there’s no weird sh*t going on like all that cliché dream sh*t- being nude or in your underwear or flying around and stuff. We’re just drifting down this dark road, the headlights being the only light except for the dashboard. And they are talking real quiet- and I’ll admit I feel uneasy, even nervous. Something is wrong, and I cannot for the life of me figure out just what the hell it is. “The missiles, how do we get to the bombs and missiles?” It was Obama, and the Bill whispers “Nah, don’t worry. Been there 8 years already- I KNOW how to get to those missiles. Not a problem Barry.” Ted Kennedy then says “Gentlemen and lady, we must not overlook the orbital missiles, this is crucial.” This is all wrong- missiles? Orbital missiles? What the damn hell is going on- I keep thinking. Then Bill hands (of all things!) me a cup of those instant ramen noodles, and pours some steaming hot water over it. (Aw hell son? WTF is this damn sh*t?) He then says “Oriental style, one of my favorites.” I notice we are all getting ready to have some noodles, and Hilary is talking again. “McCain dies first, then that idiot New York mayor goes next.” I am really upset now, but I feel unable to move, frozen, only able to listen. “I want video, so we can savor the kill…again and again...” This was Obama speaking now, and he looked positively evil, glaring like a maniac. I can feel myself trembling, but I can’t even so much as turn my head to look to either side. Now, suddenly, we all start eating the noodle soup in unison, with those crappy chopsticks you get at the chinaman restaurant.
Ted Kennedy looks up about halfway through our shared meal, and with an odd, inscrutable look and says “Peanut butter and jelly anyone?” while handing out sandwiches. Just as he finished his question, I notice some scenery outside the car had become visible finally. It’s a lightly snow covered road now, and we are driving up to a security checkpoint/gate now. Hilary looks around the car now with a look of menace mingling with perverse excitement. “So close to the silos, so close to destruction…” I notice a sign next to the gate, as we drive through says “NORAD”, which is that place where they fire off all the missiles and sh*t, like in that movie ‘Wargames’. As we drive through I see the sky light up brightly with some sort of fiery conflagration, and it forms itself into the shape of a cross- a burning damn cross! The light is so bright it lights up the surrounding snow covered mountains- which remind me now of nothing so much as POINTY WHITE HOODS. Oh God, Lord help me! I think, still unable to speak aloud. The other people in the car are looking at me now, laughing hideously. Their eyes descend to my half finished ramen noodle cup, I follow their eyes down to it. As the Lord preserves me I swear it was now filled with blood! I feel myself start to pass out, and Obama leans towards me, he looks like he’s going to hurt me, and now his eyebrows have grown together and his face looks all hairy. At this moment, still unable to scream, we drive into an opening in the mountain and into pitch darkness.
That’s it, and I haven’t been able to think about anything else since 4am in the damn morning.
What the hell does this mean? What is God trying to tell me? I’ve been praying all day, I skipped work because of this dream. I don’t know, I just wish I knew what this means!
Oh lord, it was so messed up. I have my fair share of vivid dreams, but the usual sort of stuff. Sure I have good ones, bad ones, and the more than occasional night terror- but this last dream has gotten me all bugged the f*ck out. I have been awake since 4am over this mess. I admit it’s a weird-ass dream, and if I didn’t believe in prophetic dreams or oneiromancy is given to men by GOD, I would never share this creepy sh*t with you. I am not superstitious, I believe in the supernatural OF COURSE, but I believe in the supernatural forces that come from either the power of God or the dominions of Satan. No gay ass tribal shit or boogeymen for me. That superstitious nonsense is for kids. Hey, I am an intellectual, a teacher and a renaissance man all around. I do NOT care for voodoo however- that shit is from the devil and it’s damn real. It’s demonic, and as my Christian brothers know- the devil is FOR REAL. And it is most definitely not superstition. This one crazy old b*tch that lived near my old place of employment was trying to put a curse on me, because I was talking to people in the neighborhood about Christ and the b*tch saw me trying to witness to some of her neighbors. She would peer out at me from behind her curtains and sh*t, she’d make weird faces and hand motions. I ended up changing jobs (not only because of this old b*tch though, I move UP in the world. Better jobs, better times, all that.) I threw a big rock through a glass pane in her front door on my last day at that place. I do NOT play around with voodoo, I am a soldier of God. The satanic b*tch got what was coming, and I’d have loaded up a car with my boys and went and stomped her if the law would have allowed. The world should not be forced to suffer such emissaries of the devil.
But I am getting carried away again, and this is about my dream- and specifically, it’s about Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Ted damn Kennedy. And it is laced with religious or prophetic signs and imagery. Ok, so it starts off with me sitting in a station wagon (Or Aerostar type minivan maybe?), it’s pitch dark outside and I am not alone in the vehicle. I become slowly aware of the conversation taking place around me, a woman’s voice and several men’s voices. After a minute or so, I realize I am hearing Hilary Clinton’s voice. It is soon joined by what I recognize to be Barack Obama’s voice, her husband Bill and Ted Kennedy. They are whispering almost, and they are being very serious. They are all wearing black, and Ted Kennedy has a pair of dark glasses on- in the middle of the night! Now, it’s all pretty realistic, there’s no weird sh*t going on like all that cliché dream sh*t- being nude or in your underwear or flying around and stuff. We’re just drifting down this dark road, the headlights being the only light except for the dashboard. And they are talking real quiet- and I’ll admit I feel uneasy, even nervous. Something is wrong, and I cannot for the life of me figure out just what the hell it is. “The missiles, how do we get to the bombs and missiles?” It was Obama, and the Bill whispers “Nah, don’t worry. Been there 8 years already- I KNOW how to get to those missiles. Not a problem Barry.” Ted Kennedy then says “Gentlemen and lady, we must not overlook the orbital missiles, this is crucial.” This is all wrong- missiles? Orbital missiles? What the damn hell is going on- I keep thinking. Then Bill hands (of all things!) me a cup of those instant ramen noodles, and pours some steaming hot water over it. (Aw hell son? WTF is this damn sh*t?) He then says “Oriental style, one of my favorites.” I notice we are all getting ready to have some noodles, and Hilary is talking again. “McCain dies first, then that idiot New York mayor goes next.” I am really upset now, but I feel unable to move, frozen, only able to listen. “I want video, so we can savor the kill…again and again...” This was Obama speaking now, and he looked positively evil, glaring like a maniac. I can feel myself trembling, but I can’t even so much as turn my head to look to either side. Now, suddenly, we all start eating the noodle soup in unison, with those crappy chopsticks you get at the chinaman restaurant.
Ted Kennedy looks up about halfway through our shared meal, and with an odd, inscrutable look and says “Peanut butter and jelly anyone?” while handing out sandwiches. Just as he finished his question, I notice some scenery outside the car had become visible finally. It’s a lightly snow covered road now, and we are driving up to a security checkpoint/gate now. Hilary looks around the car now with a look of menace mingling with perverse excitement. “So close to the silos, so close to destruction…” I notice a sign next to the gate, as we drive through says “NORAD”, which is that place where they fire off all the missiles and sh*t, like in that movie ‘Wargames’. As we drive through I see the sky light up brightly with some sort of fiery conflagration, and it forms itself into the shape of a cross- a burning damn cross! The light is so bright it lights up the surrounding snow covered mountains- which remind me now of nothing so much as POINTY WHITE HOODS. Oh God, Lord help me! I think, still unable to speak aloud. The other people in the car are looking at me now, laughing hideously. Their eyes descend to my half finished ramen noodle cup, I follow their eyes down to it. As the Lord preserves me I swear it was now filled with blood! I feel myself start to pass out, and Obama leans towards me, he looks like he’s going to hurt me, and now his eyebrows have grown together and his face looks all hairy. At this moment, still unable to scream, we drive into an opening in the mountain and into pitch darkness.
That’s it, and I haven’t been able to think about anything else since 4am in the damn morning.
What the hell does this mean? What is God trying to tell me? I’ve been praying all day, I skipped work because of this dream. I don’t know, I just wish I knew what this means!
MORE POLITICAL SH*T AND CURRENT EVENTS!
I haven’t been following the political nature I decided on for this blog as closely as I wanted to. So I am going to experiment with a slightly different, partially encapsulated method for non-directly political rants. I need to stay more focused on politics (I’m going to try!) until the election is over. Basically, I am hoping to do the contest thusly y’all: ½ of each entire blog post will be political/current events, and NOT necessarily related to the paragraph that follows. I will try to keep the new, shorter non (or less) political parts to a paragraph or two. I have a tendency to speak with passion, from my heart, and I can admit I get carried away. So, here’s how I’ma try and work this sh*t…
COMBINED HEADLINE: It would probably look something like this:
My damn mom says she’s going to vote for Obama! (This will be hopefully 3-5 paragraphs or thereabouts)
NFL Football / Herb / Michael Flatley / Educate the youth! (These 1-2 paragraphs)
What do y’all think brothers? I think it’s going to rock your damn socks right the hell off!
I am off to write a political post now!
COMBINED HEADLINE: It would probably look something like this:
My damn mom says she’s going to vote for Obama! (This will be hopefully 3-5 paragraphs or thereabouts)
NFL Football / Herb / Michael Flatley / Educate the youth! (These 1-2 paragraphs)
What do y’all think brothers? I think it’s going to rock your damn socks right the hell off!
I am off to write a political post now!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The funniest thing I have ever seen in my LIFE!
Oh my boys, do I have a story for you! (Unless you’re one of the 5 or 6 people I already told). When I say I erupted in an explosive multitude of laughter for 15 straight minutes- I am NOT exaggerating. Ha ha ha oh Damn! I laugh even as I write this. This is one of those little gifts of good humor the Lord is merciful enough to grant us every now and then. I just wish he’d seen fit to have had me with a video camera at the time! America’s Funniest anyone?
(Now, in my house we are very comfortable with each other. We’re real down home, and we don’t think there’s any shame in our bodily functions, because GOD made them. We belch and pass wind around each other and it’s all good. No one should be ashamed of such things. Hell, my wife got into the habit of leaving the bathroom door open when the kids are in the house, so she can keep an eye (or an ear) on them. And frankly, I never close the bathroom door when I piss- what’s the damn point? Just keep your back to the open door and no one sees anything. It’s been a long standing game we play at dinner in my home, where me and the kids see who can belch or pass wind the loudest. You know how funny these things are to kids, and it’s all harmless fun. Of course the kids never win these contests unless I let them. I have skills! But I am not the subject of this humorous, hilarious incident.)
So anyway, this is what happened. Me and Jenell (my wife) are on our couch watching tv last night, around 9pm. My kids were long since in bed upstairs. And I let one rip, y’know- one of those long, loud beans ‘n greens farts. And she just sort of shoots me an annoyed look. Then about 2 or 3 minutes later, she lets one go. And it was damn loud too! So I muster up another blast and push that one out to the world. Now, my wife has never been much of a ‘farter’ or whatever you’d call it. So imagine my surprise when she’s got another, even louder, one in the chamber. At this point, it’s a damn competition- and I’ll be damned if a b*tch, even if she’s my wife, is gonna beat me at a fartin’ contest. Hell no! It had to have been a good five minutes, on and off, and for some damn reason, Jenell is determined to try and beat me. So I suddenly realize I have what might be the mother of all farts coming on. I feel it ease into the chamber- and now I know I’ve got her beat. I unleash the explosive fury of Mt. Vesuvius at her- it was magnificent. And, unlike most of my last rips, it had a nice stank on it. I was sure there was no way she could win now. I outweigh her by 75 pounds and I EAT, I don’t mess around. Now my wife looks pissed off, and I’m sure she’s done for. Then she lifts one hip a little and I swear she even got a little grimace on her face. This was getting damn intense.
Then, the moment I have been leading up to boys: As soon as I heard the fart- I knew. It was a riiiiip- but it was cut abruptly off by a sound I knew could only be liquid in nature. Her eyes BUGGED OUT like I had never seen before- and she shot up and out of the living room with a speed I never thought a fat ass like her could muster! I mean, it was like the damn Road Runner- beep beep! It was pretty dark in the living room, and she shot out the room so fast- with her hand on her butt- I couldn’t visually verify the hot magma cocoa squirt. I heard the bathroom door just inside the garage slam- it was closest and not all the way up the stairs. I was laughing so hard, and so loud, I barely heard it slam! I was still doubled up on the floor, just laughing like I had never laughed before. It was the craziest shit- especially given how damn unexpected it was. I didn’t see my wife for the next 30 minutes. After a little while I composed myself and went into the kitchen and got myself a big roll of paper towels. I wadded a bunch real good, and I touched the towels to the spot where Jenell was sitting. Oh damn, sure enough- there’s a little spot of brown on the paper towels. I started to feel kind of bad (not much though!), so I got some upholstery cleaner and spend a good 60 seconds wiping and cleaning the cushion. Then I took a piece of paper, drew an ‘X’ on it with a marker, and scotch taped it over the area of the accident. By the time I saw my wife, walking towards the stairs, I had mostly calmed down. She was looking at me like she wanted to kill me (like it was my fault!). I just lost it again, I laughed out loud just like the first time. She just looked away and ran up the stairs with a towel around her damn hips and a plastic bag (I am assuming it was her pants in that one) in her hand.
I calmed down again, and I figured I’d go upstairs and try and smooth things over. She was walking from our kid's room to our bedroom, and she was still glaring at me. I broke up a little bit and she just slams (and I mean SLAMS) our bedroom door- and the b*tch locks it! I ended up having to put my kids to bed again- which at this point was probably the third time tonight. And I made a few quiet attempts (only breaking up a little- I couldn’t help it) at the bedroom door to get her to open it. She told me to go ‘f*ck my damn self’ and that she wasn’t letting me in. I end up sleeping on the recliner- I was obviously not getting on the ‘poo couch’- as I shall call it from now on. The next morning she sees the paper I had put over the spot, and thinks I was making fun of her- for some stupid reason. She rips it off, throws it at me, and storms out the front door, slamming it. By this time I was laughing hard again, and I laughed myself all the way to drop off my kids and all the way to work.
I wonder how she’s gonna act tonight when her ass gets home? Either way, good or bad, it was the funniest thing I ever saw in my life! There y’all go, that’s my golden story boys! Feel free to forward!
(Now, in my house we are very comfortable with each other. We’re real down home, and we don’t think there’s any shame in our bodily functions, because GOD made them. We belch and pass wind around each other and it’s all good. No one should be ashamed of such things. Hell, my wife got into the habit of leaving the bathroom door open when the kids are in the house, so she can keep an eye (or an ear) on them. And frankly, I never close the bathroom door when I piss- what’s the damn point? Just keep your back to the open door and no one sees anything. It’s been a long standing game we play at dinner in my home, where me and the kids see who can belch or pass wind the loudest. You know how funny these things are to kids, and it’s all harmless fun. Of course the kids never win these contests unless I let them. I have skills! But I am not the subject of this humorous, hilarious incident.)
So anyway, this is what happened. Me and Jenell (my wife) are on our couch watching tv last night, around 9pm. My kids were long since in bed upstairs. And I let one rip, y’know- one of those long, loud beans ‘n greens farts. And she just sort of shoots me an annoyed look. Then about 2 or 3 minutes later, she lets one go. And it was damn loud too! So I muster up another blast and push that one out to the world. Now, my wife has never been much of a ‘farter’ or whatever you’d call it. So imagine my surprise when she’s got another, even louder, one in the chamber. At this point, it’s a damn competition- and I’ll be damned if a b*tch, even if she’s my wife, is gonna beat me at a fartin’ contest. Hell no! It had to have been a good five minutes, on and off, and for some damn reason, Jenell is determined to try and beat me. So I suddenly realize I have what might be the mother of all farts coming on. I feel it ease into the chamber- and now I know I’ve got her beat. I unleash the explosive fury of Mt. Vesuvius at her- it was magnificent. And, unlike most of my last rips, it had a nice stank on it. I was sure there was no way she could win now. I outweigh her by 75 pounds and I EAT, I don’t mess around. Now my wife looks pissed off, and I’m sure she’s done for. Then she lifts one hip a little and I swear she even got a little grimace on her face. This was getting damn intense.
Then, the moment I have been leading up to boys: As soon as I heard the fart- I knew. It was a riiiiip- but it was cut abruptly off by a sound I knew could only be liquid in nature. Her eyes BUGGED OUT like I had never seen before- and she shot up and out of the living room with a speed I never thought a fat ass like her could muster! I mean, it was like the damn Road Runner- beep beep! It was pretty dark in the living room, and she shot out the room so fast- with her hand on her butt- I couldn’t visually verify the hot magma cocoa squirt. I heard the bathroom door just inside the garage slam- it was closest and not all the way up the stairs. I was laughing so hard, and so loud, I barely heard it slam! I was still doubled up on the floor, just laughing like I had never laughed before. It was the craziest shit- especially given how damn unexpected it was. I didn’t see my wife for the next 30 minutes. After a little while I composed myself and went into the kitchen and got myself a big roll of paper towels. I wadded a bunch real good, and I touched the towels to the spot where Jenell was sitting. Oh damn, sure enough- there’s a little spot of brown on the paper towels. I started to feel kind of bad (not much though!), so I got some upholstery cleaner and spend a good 60 seconds wiping and cleaning the cushion. Then I took a piece of paper, drew an ‘X’ on it with a marker, and scotch taped it over the area of the accident. By the time I saw my wife, walking towards the stairs, I had mostly calmed down. She was looking at me like she wanted to kill me (like it was my fault!). I just lost it again, I laughed out loud just like the first time. She just looked away and ran up the stairs with a towel around her damn hips and a plastic bag (I am assuming it was her pants in that one) in her hand.
I calmed down again, and I figured I’d go upstairs and try and smooth things over. She was walking from our kid's room to our bedroom, and she was still glaring at me. I broke up a little bit and she just slams (and I mean SLAMS) our bedroom door- and the b*tch locks it! I ended up having to put my kids to bed again- which at this point was probably the third time tonight. And I made a few quiet attempts (only breaking up a little- I couldn’t help it) at the bedroom door to get her to open it. She told me to go ‘f*ck my damn self’ and that she wasn’t letting me in. I end up sleeping on the recliner- I was obviously not getting on the ‘poo couch’- as I shall call it from now on. The next morning she sees the paper I had put over the spot, and thinks I was making fun of her- for some stupid reason. She rips it off, throws it at me, and storms out the front door, slamming it. By this time I was laughing hard again, and I laughed myself all the way to drop off my kids and all the way to work.
I wonder how she’s gonna act tonight when her ass gets home? Either way, good or bad, it was the funniest thing I ever saw in my life! There y’all go, that’s my golden story boys! Feel free to forward!
Monday, January 21, 2008
IT’S MLK DAY!
Thaaaaaat’s right b*tchs! I got the damn day off. Some dude at work told me that Black folks get to drive in the carpool lane alone for this one day of the year. Ain’t no cop going to give a brother a traffic ticket today. I wanna just find a big parking lot and take off like a mad fool, doing donuts and power slides and sh*t! No seat belt, no nothing. I’m gonna drive through people’s front yards son! "Hope ya didn't just mow that sh*t, motherf*cker!" And tonight, right after dinner, I begin my annual MLK day movie marathon. I got a veritable ebony cornucopia of beautiful, bountiful blackness this year. Booty Call, Shaft in Africa, Mandingo and Uptown Saturday Night yo! And this is also the one day of the year my wife doesn’t make a huge stink about me bringing home a jar of pig’s feet and eating them on the couch, right out of the damn jar. Man, this is a day of fun, festive and fantastic frivolity. This is one day of the year where NO ONE gets in the way of my fun. I’ll tell my wife to take our kids and stay away ‘til dawn. She can go hang at her momma’s house. Today I am all about blackness! I even have one of those little African beanie hats like those Nation of Islam dudes wear. Embrace the darkness!
But I should take a moment to hip a lot of you brothers to the dark side of MLK. He was pretty damn un-American, and a man of suspicious, dubious character and behavior. This motherf*cker was a communist! He was a womanizer and a damn homo. He was supposed to be a man of God! Yet he’d skip from b*tch to dude to b*tch- snorting cocaine and hating on Democracy. He really just wanted to be a Black Joseph Stalin or some sh*t. There’s a good chance he ain’t with God now either, and that’s a damn shame. He ain’t no hero to me, like a John Wayne or Luther Campbell either. There’s no way some communist, who’s also half a fag, is going to be my hero. Hell, I heard he 'did' Jesse Jackson when he was young! Jesse Jackson probably got his speech all f*cked up from Dr. King ramming his head against the head board! Imagine talking all marble-mouthed for the rest of your damn life because MLK liked it rough!?! So as far as I’m concerned, he (MLK) got what was coming to him in the end, no pun intended. That secret fag got his communist brains blown out, and I heard his ‘friends’ in the movement tipped off that white dude that killed him. They couldn’t have no leftist fruit as the figurehead of the movement. Besides, the Bible says homos should die. Most Christians (including me) want the Bible’s laws actually enforced, i.e.: All homos should get the death penalty. And there’s half of me that thinks Christians should have MLK piñatas or something, “Take that you commie fruit drug addict!” Pow pow pow. Take it like Jessie took it!
But I won’t make too big a stink about MLK, on account of my ass having the day off. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on- hipping people to the truth, the WORD of God and real American values.
I'm gonna go out to my car and commence the festivities motherf*ckers! Happy MLK Day!!!
But I should take a moment to hip a lot of you brothers to the dark side of MLK. He was pretty damn un-American, and a man of suspicious, dubious character and behavior. This motherf*cker was a communist! He was a womanizer and a damn homo. He was supposed to be a man of God! Yet he’d skip from b*tch to dude to b*tch- snorting cocaine and hating on Democracy. He really just wanted to be a Black Joseph Stalin or some sh*t. There’s a good chance he ain’t with God now either, and that’s a damn shame. He ain’t no hero to me, like a John Wayne or Luther Campbell either. There’s no way some communist, who’s also half a fag, is going to be my hero. Hell, I heard he 'did' Jesse Jackson when he was young! Jesse Jackson probably got his speech all f*cked up from Dr. King ramming his head against the head board! Imagine talking all marble-mouthed for the rest of your damn life because MLK liked it rough!?! So as far as I’m concerned, he (MLK) got what was coming to him in the end, no pun intended. That secret fag got his communist brains blown out, and I heard his ‘friends’ in the movement tipped off that white dude that killed him. They couldn’t have no leftist fruit as the figurehead of the movement. Besides, the Bible says homos should die. Most Christians (including me) want the Bible’s laws actually enforced, i.e.: All homos should get the death penalty. And there’s half of me that thinks Christians should have MLK piñatas or something, “Take that you commie fruit drug addict!” Pow pow pow. Take it like Jessie took it!
But I won’t make too big a stink about MLK, on account of my ass having the day off. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on- hipping people to the truth, the WORD of God and real American values.
I'm gonna go out to my car and commence the festivities motherf*ckers! Happy MLK Day!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Mo’ conspiracy theories
So, I detailed (2 posts ago, sorry my loyal readers- bear with my ass, it’s gonna be worth it!) a grip of those dumb ass conspiracy theories. Here’s another one:
The White man put sh*t into malt liquor to make black people violent: Sometimes my brothers get they heads all the way up their asses. The White man got better things to do with his time than try and f*ck with my brothers in the Ghetto. I have no respect for those lames in the damn slums though. Hell, I wouldn’t care if ‘The Man’ DID put sh*t in their damn Malt Liquor. If your ass is dumb enough to drink that foul, low class sh*t- you get what you deserve. I’d like to take that Billy Dee Williams and kick him dead square in the balls. Colt 45?!? He was Lando Solo in Star Wars! The greatest movie ever, right up there with ‘Legends of the Fall’ and Die Hard. That brother pisses me off. What the hell happened that’d make motherf*cking Lando do a malt liquor commercial? Sometimes I just lose my damn faith in humanity. Sh*t brothers, I am high class. I drink Sam Adams and Cabernet and champagne b*tches. And I take a cigar with my fine wines. Livin' the high life, don't hate!
THE TRUE THEORIES- ALA CONSPIRACY
So now that I laid down the righteous and resplendent truth of the BULLSH*T ones. Here we go, it is always a pleasure for me to enlighten y’all.
Gay faggots want to change you gay: Now this one is just so glaringly obvious- how anyone can deny it mystificates me. Gays hate themselves, because they know what they do to each others butts and mouths is an egregious sin. And they think: “If I can’t go to heaven and be with god- then neither can YOU!” Look, I teach kids- and I can tell from many of the books, videos and pamphlets we get from the State of California- Fags are on the move. They want to teach 8 and 9 year old kids about anal sex! I do my best to keep ‘em on the straight and narrow- but I am only one man. And I have to be careful what I say- I am technically not allowed to say ‘faggot’ in front of these kids. In my class I let the kids say faggot all they want- as long as no one hears me using it- it’s all good. I think it’s good to hear kids saying faggot, fruit, queer, fairy- all that sh*t. We’re gonna lose our kids to these queers, and they’re gonna be butt-f*cking and rug-munching and turning their backs on God. We Christians and educators need to do whatever we can to fight against this gay agenda and keep our kids straight. So- the ‘Gay Conspiracy’? 100% TRUE.
Jew$ rule the world: Another fairly obvious one, Jews are secretive, they think they’re the chosen of God (Like God would make his ‘Chosen people’ with those damn big-ass noses…), they used to (especially in medieval times) drink the blood of Christian kids in ritual. They killed Jesus (along with greaseball Italians), they are obsessed with gold and diamonds and sh*t. I heard from my cousin, over the holidays, that there’s 7 main Jews in Switzerland that run the whole show. All the banks, all the governments, restaurants, airports- everything. Why else would Jews have been hated throughout all human history? And they hate Black and Brown people. They use us to do their Jew dirty work. Concentration camps? Yeah, sure, step off. Next fairy tale.
Dave Chappell, Oprah and Bill Cosby: I have researched this one extensively. Basically, Bill Cosby, Oprah and notorious dumbass Al Sharpton got together and conspired to ruin Dave Chappelle’s career- because they thought the show denegrated Black people. I thought Chappelle’s Show was funny, but it was way too raunchy and dirty for my values. I felt a little guilty watching and laughing at that show. But after much prayer and contemplation, God made it known to me that I should stop watching, so I stopped. But I do believe- Oprah especially- that their asses banded together to stop Chappelle. I hate those filthy c*ck sucking motherf*ckers for that. God is going to lay the pain on them eventually, be sure of that.
Freemasons run America: George Washington, Ben German Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson- ALL Freemasons. In much the same way as the Jews and the world conspiracy, but the freemasons run America only. These are good people though, some badass white people kicking all sorts of ass. I bet they sit around playing cards and smoking cigars (or herb yo!), flipping through the Sears catalog women’s underwear section- just picking out one of the girls and making a phone call. Then, BLAM, the b*tch is over to their clubhouse for some fun. This is one motherf*cking conspiracy I could be a part of, my brothers. Thomas Jefferson had a taste for my Black sisters too- bonus points.
Kids disappearing in Walmart: This is a truly frightening one, and I am not afraid to admit it wierds my ass out a little bit. I heard that every year, something like 600-700 kids just vanish inside Walmart’s all over the country. And I heard something positively blood curdling- Walmart may be keeping slaves. And more Black kids disappear than White kids too. The cops won’t do anything, because the kids are lower class little motherf*ckers. One less citizen of the ghetto, they probably think. I wrote to my Senator twice this year already, trying to hip him to this ghoulish sh*t. I love children, and the idea of them being preyed upon like this sickens my righteous ass. We have got to protect our f*cking kids.
Bigfoot: This big, hairy ape-like creature is supported by scientific evidence. But is it a primitive, caveman type dude? A furry type of dinosaur like the Loch-Ness monster? A scientific experiment gone horribly awry? No matter what it really is, just keep it’s spooky ass away from me! But it’d be bangin' if I could actually kill this creature. I’d be rich, famous and get all the p*ssy I could handle. Just don’t tell my wife. I heard there could be a whole race of these things out there in the woods. Damn, I would love to bust a cap in that monster. Blayam blayam blayam! Take it like a b*tch, you hairy punk-ass! I’ll take my new pit bull out with me, and he could sniff the monster out while I went all sniper on it. Yeah, I know, it ain’t gonna happen, but it’s fun to use my imagination sometimes. Like ‘Reading Rainow’ haha, LeVar Burton ain’t got nothing on Big Daddy RoRo!
More later!
The White man put sh*t into malt liquor to make black people violent: Sometimes my brothers get they heads all the way up their asses. The White man got better things to do with his time than try and f*ck with my brothers in the Ghetto. I have no respect for those lames in the damn slums though. Hell, I wouldn’t care if ‘The Man’ DID put sh*t in their damn Malt Liquor. If your ass is dumb enough to drink that foul, low class sh*t- you get what you deserve. I’d like to take that Billy Dee Williams and kick him dead square in the balls. Colt 45?!? He was Lando Solo in Star Wars! The greatest movie ever, right up there with ‘Legends of the Fall’ and Die Hard. That brother pisses me off. What the hell happened that’d make motherf*cking Lando do a malt liquor commercial? Sometimes I just lose my damn faith in humanity. Sh*t brothers, I am high class. I drink Sam Adams and Cabernet and champagne b*tches. And I take a cigar with my fine wines. Livin' the high life, don't hate!
THE TRUE THEORIES- ALA CONSPIRACY
So now that I laid down the righteous and resplendent truth of the BULLSH*T ones. Here we go, it is always a pleasure for me to enlighten y’all.
Gay faggots want to change you gay: Now this one is just so glaringly obvious- how anyone can deny it mystificates me. Gays hate themselves, because they know what they do to each others butts and mouths is an egregious sin. And they think: “If I can’t go to heaven and be with god- then neither can YOU!” Look, I teach kids- and I can tell from many of the books, videos and pamphlets we get from the State of California- Fags are on the move. They want to teach 8 and 9 year old kids about anal sex! I do my best to keep ‘em on the straight and narrow- but I am only one man. And I have to be careful what I say- I am technically not allowed to say ‘faggot’ in front of these kids. In my class I let the kids say faggot all they want- as long as no one hears me using it- it’s all good. I think it’s good to hear kids saying faggot, fruit, queer, fairy- all that sh*t. We’re gonna lose our kids to these queers, and they’re gonna be butt-f*cking and rug-munching and turning their backs on God. We Christians and educators need to do whatever we can to fight against this gay agenda and keep our kids straight. So- the ‘Gay Conspiracy’? 100% TRUE.
Jew$ rule the world: Another fairly obvious one, Jews are secretive, they think they’re the chosen of God (Like God would make his ‘Chosen people’ with those damn big-ass noses…), they used to (especially in medieval times) drink the blood of Christian kids in ritual. They killed Jesus (along with greaseball Italians), they are obsessed with gold and diamonds and sh*t. I heard from my cousin, over the holidays, that there’s 7 main Jews in Switzerland that run the whole show. All the banks, all the governments, restaurants, airports- everything. Why else would Jews have been hated throughout all human history? And they hate Black and Brown people. They use us to do their Jew dirty work. Concentration camps? Yeah, sure, step off. Next fairy tale.
Dave Chappell, Oprah and Bill Cosby: I have researched this one extensively. Basically, Bill Cosby, Oprah and notorious dumbass Al Sharpton got together and conspired to ruin Dave Chappelle’s career- because they thought the show denegrated Black people. I thought Chappelle’s Show was funny, but it was way too raunchy and dirty for my values. I felt a little guilty watching and laughing at that show. But after much prayer and contemplation, God made it known to me that I should stop watching, so I stopped. But I do believe- Oprah especially- that their asses banded together to stop Chappelle. I hate those filthy c*ck sucking motherf*ckers for that. God is going to lay the pain on them eventually, be sure of that.
Freemasons run America: George Washington, Ben German Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson- ALL Freemasons. In much the same way as the Jews and the world conspiracy, but the freemasons run America only. These are good people though, some badass white people kicking all sorts of ass. I bet they sit around playing cards and smoking cigars (or herb yo!), flipping through the Sears catalog women’s underwear section- just picking out one of the girls and making a phone call. Then, BLAM, the b*tch is over to their clubhouse for some fun. This is one motherf*cking conspiracy I could be a part of, my brothers. Thomas Jefferson had a taste for my Black sisters too- bonus points.
Kids disappearing in Walmart: This is a truly frightening one, and I am not afraid to admit it wierds my ass out a little bit. I heard that every year, something like 600-700 kids just vanish inside Walmart’s all over the country. And I heard something positively blood curdling- Walmart may be keeping slaves. And more Black kids disappear than White kids too. The cops won’t do anything, because the kids are lower class little motherf*ckers. One less citizen of the ghetto, they probably think. I wrote to my Senator twice this year already, trying to hip him to this ghoulish sh*t. I love children, and the idea of them being preyed upon like this sickens my righteous ass. We have got to protect our f*cking kids.
Bigfoot: This big, hairy ape-like creature is supported by scientific evidence. But is it a primitive, caveman type dude? A furry type of dinosaur like the Loch-Ness monster? A scientific experiment gone horribly awry? No matter what it really is, just keep it’s spooky ass away from me! But it’d be bangin' if I could actually kill this creature. I’d be rich, famous and get all the p*ssy I could handle. Just don’t tell my wife. I heard there could be a whole race of these things out there in the woods. Damn, I would love to bust a cap in that monster. Blayam blayam blayam! Take it like a b*tch, you hairy punk-ass! I’ll take my new pit bull out with me, and he could sniff the monster out while I went all sniper on it. Yeah, I know, it ain’t gonna happen, but it’s fun to use my imagination sometimes. Like ‘Reading Rainow’ haha, LeVar Burton ain’t got nothing on Big Daddy RoRo!
More later!
Gotta cool down!
I had to ask Jesus, several times I might add, for strength and fortitude, serenity and peace of mind last night. My wife, or as I have come to think of her- D’B*tch- won't stop hassling my ass. This sh*t ain’t fair, no way, no how! I can’t believe I let the b*tch hassle me into a trip to the damn Olive Garden. We went last month! Hell son, I admit it- I have a bit of a temper. A lot of authentic Black men do- so what? What the hell is wrong with my damn wife? Actually, I know what it is- women getting crazy these days, cause men have grown soft, weak, and flaccid- we are slowly turning into a nation of pussies! After I drive her ass to stand in line for four damn hours to try and get on the Antiques Roadshow tomorrow, I am going to lay down the motherf*cking law. Women are the damn gatherers. Men are the hunters. I ought to go into our bedroom tonight and pull those damn frilly pink pillow cases off and throw them in the damn trash. I ain’t doing this sh*t anymore. A man like me should NOT understand valances, pillow shams or the thread count of damn bed sheets! I am going to go all out and buy some zebra pattern blankets and cheetah spot pillows and sh*t. I’m going to make it look like a hunter’s room. I’ll mount my hunting rifle over the bed. I’d go hunting this weekend, but the only one of my friends that is badass enough to kill something- he’s afraid of dogs. Yeah I know, it’s ridiculous- show the motherf*cker a pit bull (a man’s dog!) and the motherf*cker gets all nervous. He pretends he ain’t, but I have seen him tense up even around my Pekinese. And my dog is definitely gonna be with me when I hunt. I need to make some friends who hunt deer and grizzly bears and sh*t. Oh yeah motherf*ckers- I'ma get me a pit bull too.
Damn, my wife should know not to mess with a dude like me. I might have to leave her ass if she keeps up with this sh*t. I ain’t eating nothing but steaks for at least all of next week. And then I’ma stank up her bathroom. I am going to UNLOAD my motherf*cking bowels and conveniently ‘forget’ to flush. My ass will deliver a mammoth load of brown she will never forget. She's not going to be able to watch a UPS commercial again! "What can brown do for you today, b*tch?" I will straight up disrespect her toilet son! She’ll have to go out to the garage and use my bathroom, where I will leave a few issues of Penthouse or Hustler or maybe even something more hardcore- if she don’t straighten up. I’m a good looking man, and I could get as much p*ssy as I want. There are so many single b*tches at my Church, it is positively motherf*cking delectable! Damn, there’s this one b*tch, her name’s Leticia, and DAMN, she’s fine. Shiny black hair, big ass eyes, a boomin’, bangin’ and bountiful back door to top it off! You can never have too much junk in the trunk. This fine ass Leticia has a butterball.
Gotta go teach some kids now, but I think I'll have to write more before this day is done.
Damn, my wife should know not to mess with a dude like me. I might have to leave her ass if she keeps up with this sh*t. I ain’t eating nothing but steaks for at least all of next week. And then I’ma stank up her bathroom. I am going to UNLOAD my motherf*cking bowels and conveniently ‘forget’ to flush. My ass will deliver a mammoth load of brown she will never forget. She's not going to be able to watch a UPS commercial again! "What can brown do for you today, b*tch?" I will straight up disrespect her toilet son! She’ll have to go out to the garage and use my bathroom, where I will leave a few issues of Penthouse or Hustler or maybe even something more hardcore- if she don’t straighten up. I’m a good looking man, and I could get as much p*ssy as I want. There are so many single b*tches at my Church, it is positively motherf*cking delectable! Damn, there’s this one b*tch, her name’s Leticia, and DAMN, she’s fine. Shiny black hair, big ass eyes, a boomin’, bangin’ and bountiful back door to top it off! You can never have too much junk in the trunk. This fine ass Leticia has a butterball.
Gotta go teach some kids now, but I think I'll have to write more before this day is done.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
REZPEKT your man, and conspiracy theories aren’t ALL whack!
Oh man, what a world of intricate bullshit I live in. I have been so wrapped up dealing with this shit, I ain’t had a chance to finish my latest blog until today. Being a good and dutiful husband, and a Christian mind you, I have to be there at all times for my b*tch. Marriage is for better or for worse, and my b*tch has been dropping a world of ‘worse’ on me the past few days. I have been non-stop irritated like a motherf*cker because of this shit. First, she tells my ass to mow the lawn. OK fine, it’s a duty of mine and I am obligated to do it- and do it well. But the b*tch doesn’t have to step up and be bossy to my ass. I had to lay it down for her and let her know I am ‘da man’ of the house, and my word is law! So I think she’s starting to remember her subservient place in the home- and then, in the middle of my ass mowing our lawn- the b*tch decides she’s gonna tell me to move some of her damn potted plants around. Aww, hell no b*tch! I got all up in her face and let her know what her role in our house is. To cook and clean and to ‘receive it’ when the man (Re: ME) busts his nut. I told her to remember her place and she’d be happier. So halfway through moving the b*tch’s stupid plants, her ass tells me she wants to go out for a fancy dinner and that MY ass needs to dress nice- for once- she says. I told the b*tch that as God is my witness, she was lucky I didn’t bend her over the hedge and take her from behind- right there in the motherf*king yard! Just to demonstrate my dominance A fancy dinner out is something you do for a b*tch when her ass has pleased you, not some bossy freaky-ass b*tch that thinks she’s gonna boss her man around. Hell b*tch! We just went to the Olive Garden last month! What the f*ck are you thinking you skank-ass fool? Then the b*tch says I gotta take her to the mall and buy her a pair of sandals? I had to pray to God and seek the serenity of Christ not to throw her out of our speeding car. Her ass ain’t worth nothing except the tits and ass and p*ssy. I have had it with this sh*t. God, strengthen my will.
I AM TOO PISSED ABOUT THIS SH*T TO CONTINUE, I’LL WRITE MORE NEXT BLOG…
I didn’t live all these years, filled with wisdom and compelled past the contemporaneous, the superfluous and the commonplace without having a strong, unbeatable instinct for TRUTH. I got wisdoms from way back, from ON HIGH! The Lord God feeds me knowledge and filters facts and factoids through his wisdom, scrutinizing them for truth and righteousness. So, what that means is, everything I hold to be true and wholeheartedly believe is right is RIGHT, because I have God making the decisions about what comes into my mind. When I feel those feelings that tell me something is 100% true- I get that feeling from God, from Christ. So I have no doubts son! No doubts whatsoever, for my wingman, my partner, my compadre, my comrade, the mustard to my hotdog- is God, the most high. Step off, you pimps of the false. I am right and your asses are wrong, deal with it you no-truth-having motherf*ckers! Hell son, I am a teacher of youth, and I know at all times what I am talking about.
Let’s start with these lames who make all conspiracy theories look bad- the freaks, the punks, the dudes with they heads up they asses. These dudes are in need of the ultimate beat down- God’s wrath. Let these piece of sh*t motherf*ckers drink the bitter wine of the Lord’s vengeance. Let’s break it down- righteous style:
We never landed on the moon: This shit was on TV motherf*cker! That alone is reason to dismiss this, the worst of all false conspiracy theories. We clearly, CLEARLY did go to the moon. What more can I say? Buzz Armstrong and his testimony alone- is proof enough as well. We went to the goddamned motherf*cking moon, case closed.
JFK’s murder was part of a conspiracy: Anybody with a brain knows if there was some deep conspiracy to murder JFK- they’d have killed the motherf*cker all quiet like. It’d have looked like natural causes. He’d have choked on a chicken bone or something. Lee Harvey Osmond did it alone- cause his ass was trying to impress the motherf*cking Russians. I know it, and so do all the other clear-headed, smart ass Christian men out there on the multi-superfluous world wide web. Step correct fools- there was no conspiracy. Y’all punk-ass lames is wrong as always.
Area 51: C’mon dudes, what sorta lame does your ass have to be to believe in little green men? “Ooooh we be alien,s and we can fly across the motherf*cking galaxy, but these New Mexico telephone lines are too much for our asses!” There ain’t no f*cking aliens! The only aliens we have to worry about are beaners and the like. They’re from Mexico- not Alpha Centauri motherf*ckers! Time to get wise son!
I have to stop again now- my jimmy's getting thick- signalling my wife's one good use...
I AM TOO PISSED ABOUT THIS SH*T TO CONTINUE, I’LL WRITE MORE NEXT BLOG…
I didn’t live all these years, filled with wisdom and compelled past the contemporaneous, the superfluous and the commonplace without having a strong, unbeatable instinct for TRUTH. I got wisdoms from way back, from ON HIGH! The Lord God feeds me knowledge and filters facts and factoids through his wisdom, scrutinizing them for truth and righteousness. So, what that means is, everything I hold to be true and wholeheartedly believe is right is RIGHT, because I have God making the decisions about what comes into my mind. When I feel those feelings that tell me something is 100% true- I get that feeling from God, from Christ. So I have no doubts son! No doubts whatsoever, for my wingman, my partner, my compadre, my comrade, the mustard to my hotdog- is God, the most high. Step off, you pimps of the false. I am right and your asses are wrong, deal with it you no-truth-having motherf*ckers! Hell son, I am a teacher of youth, and I know at all times what I am talking about.
Let’s start with these lames who make all conspiracy theories look bad- the freaks, the punks, the dudes with they heads up they asses. These dudes are in need of the ultimate beat down- God’s wrath. Let these piece of sh*t motherf*ckers drink the bitter wine of the Lord’s vengeance. Let’s break it down- righteous style:
We never landed on the moon: This shit was on TV motherf*cker! That alone is reason to dismiss this, the worst of all false conspiracy theories. We clearly, CLEARLY did go to the moon. What more can I say? Buzz Armstrong and his testimony alone- is proof enough as well. We went to the goddamned motherf*cking moon, case closed.
JFK’s murder was part of a conspiracy: Anybody with a brain knows if there was some deep conspiracy to murder JFK- they’d have killed the motherf*cker all quiet like. It’d have looked like natural causes. He’d have choked on a chicken bone or something. Lee Harvey Osmond did it alone- cause his ass was trying to impress the motherf*cking Russians. I know it, and so do all the other clear-headed, smart ass Christian men out there on the multi-superfluous world wide web. Step correct fools- there was no conspiracy. Y’all punk-ass lames is wrong as always.
Area 51: C’mon dudes, what sorta lame does your ass have to be to believe in little green men? “Ooooh we be alien,s and we can fly across the motherf*cking galaxy, but these New Mexico telephone lines are too much for our asses!” There ain’t no f*cking aliens! The only aliens we have to worry about are beaners and the like. They’re from Mexico- not Alpha Centauri motherf*ckers! Time to get wise son!
I have to stop again now- my jimmy's getting thick- signalling my wife's one good use...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
‘Da issues ‘08
I can’t stop writing. I feel to righteous, too impassioned, too RIGHT about these issues to cease laying it down straight and true for y’all. There are quite a few things in life that are right/wrong, all/nothing issues. Politics is one of them. And if you think your ass is responsible enough to vote- to carry the perilous and profoundly promethean burden of having your say in our shared government- then your ass needs to come correct and get y’ass straight and true on the ISSUES. The issues. The issues. DA ISSUES! Now, most of you out there aren’t going to be as right as I am all the time, so you can read my words and take them to heart, or at least let my indomitable intellect inspire you to get off your ass and vote RIGHT on the issues. If you agree with me, then congratulations- you are part of the small percentage of peeps that actually has an in depth understanding of politics, logic, and most important- right and wrong. So read on, be you a truth pimp like me- or a lame like the rest. But regardless of your opinion, God the most high, is on my side.
(I wish I could tell my class about these issues, but I can’t. I don’t wanna lose my job on my principles. Besides, they’re only 8-9, so why waste my time anyway? Being politically correct is more important to state educational bureaucracy than truth, unfortunately I am afraid).
So here are the issues that matter:
- STATE’S RIGHTS: This is a much bigger issue than many people believe. Let me give y’all an example. Remember when Bush ran against James Kerry last election? If you do, you probably remember the terms ‘red state’ and ‘blue state’ entering our shared popular American lexicon. These terms basically meant a state that was red was conservative (and in some media outlets ‘ignorant’), and blue was liberal- or knowledgeable and enlightened (haha!). You can, however, use this separation in a more accurate, logical way: Red states are righteous, old-fashioned, Christian- and blue states are a bunch of f*gs and hippies in places like New York, Oregon and California. I am from California- so I know. Most Californians are morally bankrupt, and either on drugs or f*g sympathizers or both. THIS IS WHY state’s right are so damnably crucial. Red states should have the RIGHT to make laws that enforce the honest, righteous values they hold dear. Hell, I wouldn’t give a sh*t if crazy ass, liberal states like Vermont make it ok for f*gs and fruits and rug-munchers to get married, if red states could make being a f*g at all an illegal act. I’d move there- and not have to worry about my kids seeing two dudes in line in front of us at the Coldstone Creamery, holding hands. If a state had the right to make any law it wanted, and not be interfered with by outside (re: Federal) forces- hell, we could have a decent, Christian state for once. Damn, just thinking about it makes me smile.
- ABORTION: We live in a crazy, insane, tumultuous, foul, bedraggled and immoral nation. A nation that says it’s ok for some nazi-esque Planned Parenthood murderer (re: 'Doctor') to kill little, innocent precious living babies! How does that not sicken each and EVERY one of us? Oh yeah- bombing the sh*t out of one of those clinics is ‘murder’, sure, whatever bro. Is it murder to shoot a man that’s in the process of killing some innocent person? If your child was playing in the park, and you saw some freak running at your child with an axe- would it be ‘murder’ to shoot the motherf*cker? Yeah, I thought not. Murdering a murderer?? Sounds like a DAMN oxymoron to me. Think about it.
- UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE: The fallacy of universal healthcare is one of the most dangerous f*ggot conspiracies of them all. It is so egregiously insidious because it SOUNDS moral and right. Of course everyone should have healthcare, right? WRONG. It doesn’t make fiscal or moral sense in reality! It’d never work! They say “Oh look at Canada!” Yeah... whatever. What- are we gonna start calling round slices of ham ‘bacon’ like they do now? F*ck those Canadians. Their system doesn’t work. Case closed. Go eat some more maple syrup and shove your damn maple leaf flag up your cold, shivering asses.
- LEGALISATION OF DRUGS: Hell no! If you make any drug legal, you say to the youth of America “Drugs is good! Drugs is ok!” I can tell you that if they ever make drugs legal- get ready for the fast track plan for unholy Armageddon. Hey, that’s fine with me, my soul is spoken for- as it has been for years. My heavenly robes are already half sewn son! But the rest of y’all, all you pot heads and stoners, junkies, crackheads and the rest of you f*ckers- your asses are going straight to eternal hell- THAT MUCH SOONER. Hope your high was worth it. Jesus saves.
- IMMIGRATION: Hey, let’s be straight, let’s stop beating around the motherf*cking bush on this one, ok? Immigration issue = Mexicans. Y’all know it, and I know it. These little dudes think it’s ok to come over here and do whatever they want. Well, you know what? It ain’t! If you want to know what these gardeners and dishwashers and busboys and maids are really like- here’s an experiment for you: Go to Tijuana. It’s close if you live in the southwest. Hell, if you don’t, just 'google' Tijuana. It’s a festering, rat-harboring, sucking cesspool of prostitution, vice, liquor and sin.... a refried-bean-stankin’ hellhole! Think of your town, then think of Tijuana… Hmm, do y’all hear me yet? As far as I’m concerned all you Mexicans can stay south of the damn border and just be happy with y’all’s bad plumbing and those people who sit on the sidewalk selling chiclets gum packets and ceramic donkeys. Suckaz, ya brought it on ya’selves!
So that’s it for now peepz- I am tired, this is my second post for today. I am just too, TOO impassioned!
-RoRo OUT!
(I wish I could tell my class about these issues, but I can’t. I don’t wanna lose my job on my principles. Besides, they’re only 8-9, so why waste my time anyway? Being politically correct is more important to state educational bureaucracy than truth, unfortunately I am afraid).
So here are the issues that matter:
- STATE’S RIGHTS: This is a much bigger issue than many people believe. Let me give y’all an example. Remember when Bush ran against James Kerry last election? If you do, you probably remember the terms ‘red state’ and ‘blue state’ entering our shared popular American lexicon. These terms basically meant a state that was red was conservative (and in some media outlets ‘ignorant’), and blue was liberal- or knowledgeable and enlightened (haha!). You can, however, use this separation in a more accurate, logical way: Red states are righteous, old-fashioned, Christian- and blue states are a bunch of f*gs and hippies in places like New York, Oregon and California. I am from California- so I know. Most Californians are morally bankrupt, and either on drugs or f*g sympathizers or both. THIS IS WHY state’s right are so damnably crucial. Red states should have the RIGHT to make laws that enforce the honest, righteous values they hold dear. Hell, I wouldn’t give a sh*t if crazy ass, liberal states like Vermont make it ok for f*gs and fruits and rug-munchers to get married, if red states could make being a f*g at all an illegal act. I’d move there- and not have to worry about my kids seeing two dudes in line in front of us at the Coldstone Creamery, holding hands. If a state had the right to make any law it wanted, and not be interfered with by outside (re: Federal) forces- hell, we could have a decent, Christian state for once. Damn, just thinking about it makes me smile.
- ABORTION: We live in a crazy, insane, tumultuous, foul, bedraggled and immoral nation. A nation that says it’s ok for some nazi-esque Planned Parenthood murderer (re: 'Doctor') to kill little, innocent precious living babies! How does that not sicken each and EVERY one of us? Oh yeah- bombing the sh*t out of one of those clinics is ‘murder’, sure, whatever bro. Is it murder to shoot a man that’s in the process of killing some innocent person? If your child was playing in the park, and you saw some freak running at your child with an axe- would it be ‘murder’ to shoot the motherf*cker? Yeah, I thought not. Murdering a murderer?? Sounds like a DAMN oxymoron to me. Think about it.
- UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE: The fallacy of universal healthcare is one of the most dangerous f*ggot conspiracies of them all. It is so egregiously insidious because it SOUNDS moral and right. Of course everyone should have healthcare, right? WRONG. It doesn’t make fiscal or moral sense in reality! It’d never work! They say “Oh look at Canada!” Yeah... whatever. What- are we gonna start calling round slices of ham ‘bacon’ like they do now? F*ck those Canadians. Their system doesn’t work. Case closed. Go eat some more maple syrup and shove your damn maple leaf flag up your cold, shivering asses.
- LEGALISATION OF DRUGS: Hell no! If you make any drug legal, you say to the youth of America “Drugs is good! Drugs is ok!” I can tell you that if they ever make drugs legal- get ready for the fast track plan for unholy Armageddon. Hey, that’s fine with me, my soul is spoken for- as it has been for years. My heavenly robes are already half sewn son! But the rest of y’all, all you pot heads and stoners, junkies, crackheads and the rest of you f*ckers- your asses are going straight to eternal hell- THAT MUCH SOONER. Hope your high was worth it. Jesus saves.
- IMMIGRATION: Hey, let’s be straight, let’s stop beating around the motherf*cking bush on this one, ok? Immigration issue = Mexicans. Y’all know it, and I know it. These little dudes think it’s ok to come over here and do whatever they want. Well, you know what? It ain’t! If you want to know what these gardeners and dishwashers and busboys and maids are really like- here’s an experiment for you: Go to Tijuana. It’s close if you live in the southwest. Hell, if you don’t, just 'google' Tijuana. It’s a festering, rat-harboring, sucking cesspool of prostitution, vice, liquor and sin.... a refried-bean-stankin’ hellhole! Think of your town, then think of Tijuana… Hmm, do y’all hear me yet? As far as I’m concerned all you Mexicans can stay south of the damn border and just be happy with y’all’s bad plumbing and those people who sit on the sidewalk selling chiclets gum packets and ceramic donkeys. Suckaz, ya brought it on ya’selves!
So that’s it for now peepz- I am tired, this is my second post for today. I am just too, TOO impassioned!
-RoRo OUT!
Ya gotta GIVE IT UP TO GOD!
You know, no matter who gets elected as our next President, they are still just human beings. They have ZERO dominion over the eternal spirit. They are just punk-ass lames compared to God, who can rightly be considered the President of Heaven. And Jesus is like the Vice President. I guess the Holy Spirit would be Speaker of the House, or whatever the heavenly equivalent is. It doesn’t matter, y’all get my meaning on this metaphor right? These reasons are why I am making the focus of this blog entry ‘religious motivation in politics- and the dumbass bullsh*t fools who don’t give it up to God.’ Y’all better recognize the fact you’re going to Hell and burning like the World Trade Center if y’all don’t accept Jesus Christ into your heart as Lord and Savior, you damn fool assh*les!
Here’s the message: GIVE IT UP TO GOD.
My black brothers? Give it up to God!
Whites? Give it up to God!
F*ggots? Give it up to God! (And stay away from ‘da back door’ you queers)
B*tchs? Give it up to God!
Chinese? Give it up to God!
Hindus? Give it up to God!
Towelheads? Forget it. (God
is done with your asses. Just get ready for hellfire you dumbass savages!)
There is only ONE true religion, CHRISTIANITY. I may be a Baptist, but any sort of true Christianity can probably get your ass into heaven (Baptists 100% chance, yo. Represent!). Mormons can go f*ck themselves. I hope they all burn in hell. Burn with the Muslim, the Hindu, the Jew, the chink and the Atheist. Speaking about Atheists, dayam, these motherf*ckers are so far away from the light of Jesus Christ they are gonna burn extra hardcore. These motherf*ckers have got one hell of a righteous, indefatigable, soul-searing SMACK DOWN coming from the universe’s #1 asskicker- GOD. Y’all better recognize and GIVE IT UP TO GOD before it’s too late for y’all’s non-believing asses.
Man, those Atheists are the stupidest, most foolish, mentally deficient, and (by their own design) most blasphemous motherf*ckers on Earth. That’s God’s Earth btw. GOD'S EARTH!Them and their evolution and ‘science’ are a joke. Hey Atheists- why don’t y’all suck my d*ck and shove your astro-physics up your non-believing assh*les, ok? F*ck you Atheists. Jesus saves.
John 3:16 READ IT.
Much love for everyone in the light of Christ,
-RoRo
Here’s the message: GIVE IT UP TO GOD.
My black brothers? Give it up to God!
Whites? Give it up to God!
F*ggots? Give it up to God! (And stay away from ‘da back door’ you queers)
B*tchs? Give it up to God!
Chinese? Give it up to God!
Hindus? Give it up to God!
Towelheads? Forget it. (God
is done with your asses. Just get ready for hellfire you dumbass savages!)
There is only ONE true religion, CHRISTIANITY. I may be a Baptist, but any sort of true Christianity can probably get your ass into heaven (Baptists 100% chance, yo. Represent!). Mormons can go f*ck themselves. I hope they all burn in hell. Burn with the Muslim, the Hindu, the Jew, the chink and the Atheist. Speaking about Atheists, dayam, these motherf*ckers are so far away from the light of Jesus Christ they are gonna burn extra hardcore. These motherf*ckers have got one hell of a righteous, indefatigable, soul-searing SMACK DOWN coming from the universe’s #1 asskicker- GOD. Y’all better recognize and GIVE IT UP TO GOD before it’s too late for y’all’s non-believing asses.
Man, those Atheists are the stupidest, most foolish, mentally deficient, and (by their own design) most blasphemous motherf*ckers on Earth. That’s God’s Earth btw. GOD'S EARTH!Them and their evolution and ‘science’ are a joke. Hey Atheists- why don’t y’all suck my d*ck and shove your astro-physics up your non-believing assh*les, ok? F*ck you Atheists. Jesus saves.
John 3:16 READ IT.
Much love for everyone in the light of Christ,
-RoRo
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Voting brothers, God, and getting really 'real' with gays for once
In this world, so salaciously festooned with the depraved works of the wicked, picking a President should be seen as a sacred duty. Like naming your children, choosing your charities and even, yes, the model of car you drive (Escalade? Hell no to the ghetto- I drive a BMW like a white man, I have arrived b*tch!). Yeah, you heard me right! Now Giuliani is the man, he's in- if people vote like me. But I am concerned, worried, confounded and perturbed by the thought of my brothers and sisters blindly voting Democratic as is our tradition. Hey. It’s understandable because of history. When George Washington went to Africa to buy slaves (this happened, though you don’t read it in most history books) it was emblematic of the times, and of times that would continue for almost two hundred years- remember that. My people couldn’t vote until the motherf*cking nineteen sixties! If the man hadn’t been so nice in the end, we’d probably still not be able to vote. That is some damn f*cked up sh*t. So let no man, NO MAN, tell me I don’t know my history, or that I am not sympathetic to the reasons so many brothers vote democratic in such a blind, reactive way. And although I am sympathetic- most of my chocolate brothers are just pathetic. Bill Clinton was the first black president? Hell no, f*ck that. That man’s whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost. And another thing- what the hell is he doing with that Monica Lewinsky? She’s white! If he was ‘the first black president’ he’d have nailed a sister in the Oval Office.
The brown people of the present, and more importantly, of the future- should get real and vote with their Christian righteousness- vote CONSERVATIVE and republican. We need to wake up and learn that to be like the white man is not forgetting who you are. Look at me- I’m black, AND I keep it real. I drive a nice car, have a good job and a family that’s going places. Sure I do a bunch of traditionally ‘white’ things. But so what? I don’t give a f*ck what my blind brothers back in the neighborhood think. Hell, I took my wife to a square dancing class last month! I listen to country (forget those ghetto gangsta hip hop fools!), I take horseback riding lessons and I eat at Black Angus at least twice a month, so you know I am legit. Hell son! I put the ‘black’ in Black Angus. Come to think of it, I could go for one of their bad ass appetizer platters right now! Mmmmm mmmmmm!
But I also think it’s near equally important to NEVER vote for a condidate that supports gay ‘rights’ or marriage or any of that sinful f*ggot sh*t. We have to put those swishes BACK in the closet and padlock the motherf*cker and throw away the damn key! Spreading their AIDS, their diseases, their sin, their depravity and devilish, diabolical and unnatural practices. To be a f*g is to be a blind fool. How can you NOT know your d*ck doesn’t belong up another dude’s assh*le? How stupid do you have to be- how blind- that you can’t see as plain as m*therfucking daylight that the b*tch was made for the man’s d*ck. The female- the b*tch, was MADE for a man's d*ck! They were literally created by God The Father to take a penis and then have shorties. And d*ck was made for the b*tch, to spead her wide and put that load deep inside!
END OF STORY.
The brown people of the present, and more importantly, of the future- should get real and vote with their Christian righteousness- vote CONSERVATIVE and republican. We need to wake up and learn that to be like the white man is not forgetting who you are. Look at me- I’m black, AND I keep it real. I drive a nice car, have a good job and a family that’s going places. Sure I do a bunch of traditionally ‘white’ things. But so what? I don’t give a f*ck what my blind brothers back in the neighborhood think. Hell, I took my wife to a square dancing class last month! I listen to country (forget those ghetto gangsta hip hop fools!), I take horseback riding lessons and I eat at Black Angus at least twice a month, so you know I am legit. Hell son! I put the ‘black’ in Black Angus. Come to think of it, I could go for one of their bad ass appetizer platters right now! Mmmmm mmmmmm!
But I also think it’s near equally important to NEVER vote for a condidate that supports gay ‘rights’ or marriage or any of that sinful f*ggot sh*t. We have to put those swishes BACK in the closet and padlock the motherf*cker and throw away the damn key! Spreading their AIDS, their diseases, their sin, their depravity and devilish, diabolical and unnatural practices. To be a f*g is to be a blind fool. How can you NOT know your d*ck doesn’t belong up another dude’s assh*le? How stupid do you have to be- how blind- that you can’t see as plain as m*therfucking daylight that the b*tch was made for the man’s d*ck. The female- the b*tch, was MADE for a man's d*ck! They were literally created by God The Father to take a penis and then have shorties. And d*ck was made for the b*tch, to spead her wide and put that load deep inside!
END OF STORY.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My take on the Presidential contenders
The 2008 presidential candidates- man, oh man alive, how they do not impress my ass. I always find myself in a precarious series of quandaries during these most momentous and magnitudinal times. Worse than Superbowl, the Oscars, CMAs, all that sh*t. As an aggressive follower of politics of current events, no matter how many promises I make to myself NOT to watch the news shows or read the internet- I always crack and gobble it up. So I figure I’ma throw my hat into the ring and lay it down tight, so tight it’s gonna open the eyes of anyone lucky enough to share my mind. So read these words, and step in justice brother.
DEMOCRATIC HOPEFULS (the donkey):
-Hillary Clinton: I know this isn’t going to be popular, but I am an old fashioned sort of man, and I have old fashioned sorts of values. Straight up- I am not voting for a woman. And even if I was going to vote for a b*tch, it would not be this sanctimonious shrew Hillary Clinton. Have you heard that hag’s freaky fake laughter? Man, I can’t believe she doesn’t know what a funky-ass witch she sounds like. Like it’s gonna be Halloween 24/7 365 in the White House if the skank ever gets elected. No way will I ever vote for her, and I have made it very plain to my wife that she will not be voting for Hillary (aka Da Witch) either. I am the man of the house, and that’s how it is and always will be.
-John Edwards: Screw this guy. I don’t care for his little Ken-Doll looking façade or his down home condescending Southern Values. I may be a Red State dude at heart- but this is one Southerner I do not like. I see his lips quivering, but I don’t hear a word he’s sayin’. Turn the page on this one brothers. Move on. (But f*ck http://www.moveon.org/ !)
-Barak Obama: I have decidedly mixed feelings about this rather dubious brother, plain and simple. First of all, the motherf*cker has not paid his dues! He’s a freshman politician, he’s not experienced in politics. Sure the dude’s a charming and a charismatic figure, but so what? So’s Denzel Washinton- are we pushing him into the Presidency? Yeah, I thought so. And his ‘blackness’, his colors, his cred- I don’t even know what to think. This brother is some kinda weird African or something. As much as I am loathe to say it, he doesn’t really even seem black. I don’t know man, I feel weird about him.
-Dennis Kucinich: I’m sorry? Dennis Kucinich? Uh yeah, he’s got a chance to win, sure... NEXT IN LINE PLEASE! This little jingle-bell-shoed elf should be up north making Christmas cookies and not wasting valuable airtime with his pointless campaign nonsense. Yeah he’s progressive, ‘cause he’s making ‘progress’ towards making me burst out in laughter!
-Bill Richardson: I don’t know sh*t about this cat, but he’s got a weird lookin’ face and I don’t like it. He looks like a liar, like a sneaky slimy snake that wants to harm us. I am just talking about the way he looks. I don’t know anything about him or his career. I do know one thing though- he ain’t gonna win! BURN.
REPUBLICAN HOPEFULS (the elephant):
-Rudy Giuliani: This dude was all over 9/11. That is important to me, both as and American- and as a Christian man. 9/11 was the most important event to ever happen in world history. Well, except for the Bible and Jesus and sh*t, but you get my drift. Rudy is a hero- y’all hear me? A H-E-R-O.! And I know they are gonna bring up his divorces and all that other bullsh*t they always try and smear candidates with. The Democrats will excoriate an opponent over something like infidelity- but they sucked the greasy c*ck of Bill Clinton 24/7/365! Double standards is all they deal in. We need leadership in these trying times, and the only man, the ONLY man- who has demonstrated said leadership is Sir Rudolph Giuliani. Period, end of story, step off. (He could get a last name your ass doesn’t have to Google to spell right though!)
-Mike Huckabee: A tough one, a real tough one. This dude divides my spirit, my soul. I am a Christian man, and I observe the faith and pray to my Jesus daily. My kids say their prayers, I tithe, I even have a picture of Christ in my wallet and in my desk drawer at work. (I can’t have the picture on top of my desk because it’s a public education setting.) This guy, called ‘Huck’ for some gay reason, is a man of God, but he’s white like a sheet and I think he hates black people deep down. Well, I think so, I don’t know really. I don’t think I want him to get the nomination, so I hope God is ok with that. I’ll pray on it.
-John McCain: He’s a war hero, the man was in a tiger cage like in ‘Deer Hunter’ or something. He did his duty, took his licks and did it like a man. I like the guy, I could deal with him as President if he weren’t old enough to be Dick Cheney’s gym teacher, ok? He looks decrepit, and I hate to say that, but it's true. We need a man who’s got some vitality in him in the White House. Sorry John, we love ya, but give it up dude.
-Mitt Romney: He’s a Mormon! That is, in my opinion, (and everyone else’s too) a CULT. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is Scientology without Tom Cruise, ok? They not only say they love Jesus, but I heard they worship rocks and metal plates and sh*t too. They are polygamy supporters and want to subvert the US government. I have no idea how Romney could have got this far because of his 'religion'. Oh no, oh NO- I would never support a President like that. How many first Ladies are we gonna have? 2? 3? 10??? No way. Wake up brothers. Ah, it’s not that big a deal, I don’t see him getting the nomination anyway.
-Ron Paul: Another religious man (sorry God!), but he’s a throwback, an isolationist with a totally antiquated view of world politics. He’s against killing little babies (abortion), which I approve of, but the guy’s in the dark about the international components of US government. He needs to get real with himself and start paying attention. So no, I won’t be voting for this man.
-Fred Thompson: I saw this guy on ‘Law and Order’ (I love that show!), so if Giuliani tanks, he’s maybe my #2. If he can act that good, imagine how he could fool and trick those foreign dictator types. Kim Jong Il would be all charmed and sh*t- then BLAM- we take over before he knows what’s coming. That could work, if it were done right. The timing would have to be like ‘Mission Impossible’ tight though. I saw an issue of ‘Newsweek’ with an article about him at my Aunt’s house, so I’m gonna stop by after work soon to pick it up. It’s about time I start looking into this man’s politics. Yeah, I’m about that.
-RoRo OUT!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DEMOCRATIC HOPEFULS (the donkey):
-Hillary Clinton: I know this isn’t going to be popular, but I am an old fashioned sort of man, and I have old fashioned sorts of values. Straight up- I am not voting for a woman. And even if I was going to vote for a b*tch, it would not be this sanctimonious shrew Hillary Clinton. Have you heard that hag’s freaky fake laughter? Man, I can’t believe she doesn’t know what a funky-ass witch she sounds like. Like it’s gonna be Halloween 24/7 365 in the White House if the skank ever gets elected. No way will I ever vote for her, and I have made it very plain to my wife that she will not be voting for Hillary (aka Da Witch) either. I am the man of the house, and that’s how it is and always will be.
-John Edwards: Screw this guy. I don’t care for his little Ken-Doll looking façade or his down home condescending Southern Values. I may be a Red State dude at heart- but this is one Southerner I do not like. I see his lips quivering, but I don’t hear a word he’s sayin’. Turn the page on this one brothers. Move on. (But f*ck http://www.moveon.org/ !)
-Barak Obama: I have decidedly mixed feelings about this rather dubious brother, plain and simple. First of all, the motherf*cker has not paid his dues! He’s a freshman politician, he’s not experienced in politics. Sure the dude’s a charming and a charismatic figure, but so what? So’s Denzel Washinton- are we pushing him into the Presidency? Yeah, I thought so. And his ‘blackness’, his colors, his cred- I don’t even know what to think. This brother is some kinda weird African or something. As much as I am loathe to say it, he doesn’t really even seem black. I don’t know man, I feel weird about him.
-Dennis Kucinich: I’m sorry? Dennis Kucinich? Uh yeah, he’s got a chance to win, sure... NEXT IN LINE PLEASE! This little jingle-bell-shoed elf should be up north making Christmas cookies and not wasting valuable airtime with his pointless campaign nonsense. Yeah he’s progressive, ‘cause he’s making ‘progress’ towards making me burst out in laughter!
-Bill Richardson: I don’t know sh*t about this cat, but he’s got a weird lookin’ face and I don’t like it. He looks like a liar, like a sneaky slimy snake that wants to harm us. I am just talking about the way he looks. I don’t know anything about him or his career. I do know one thing though- he ain’t gonna win! BURN.
REPUBLICAN HOPEFULS (the elephant):
-Rudy Giuliani: This dude was all over 9/11. That is important to me, both as and American- and as a Christian man. 9/11 was the most important event to ever happen in world history. Well, except for the Bible and Jesus and sh*t, but you get my drift. Rudy is a hero- y’all hear me? A H-E-R-O.! And I know they are gonna bring up his divorces and all that other bullsh*t they always try and smear candidates with. The Democrats will excoriate an opponent over something like infidelity- but they sucked the greasy c*ck of Bill Clinton 24/7/365! Double standards is all they deal in. We need leadership in these trying times, and the only man, the ONLY man- who has demonstrated said leadership is Sir Rudolph Giuliani. Period, end of story, step off. (He could get a last name your ass doesn’t have to Google to spell right though!)
-Mike Huckabee: A tough one, a real tough one. This dude divides my spirit, my soul. I am a Christian man, and I observe the faith and pray to my Jesus daily. My kids say their prayers, I tithe, I even have a picture of Christ in my wallet and in my desk drawer at work. (I can’t have the picture on top of my desk because it’s a public education setting.) This guy, called ‘Huck’ for some gay reason, is a man of God, but he’s white like a sheet and I think he hates black people deep down. Well, I think so, I don’t know really. I don’t think I want him to get the nomination, so I hope God is ok with that. I’ll pray on it.
-John McCain: He’s a war hero, the man was in a tiger cage like in ‘Deer Hunter’ or something. He did his duty, took his licks and did it like a man. I like the guy, I could deal with him as President if he weren’t old enough to be Dick Cheney’s gym teacher, ok? He looks decrepit, and I hate to say that, but it's true. We need a man who’s got some vitality in him in the White House. Sorry John, we love ya, but give it up dude.
-Mitt Romney: He’s a Mormon! That is, in my opinion, (and everyone else’s too) a CULT. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is Scientology without Tom Cruise, ok? They not only say they love Jesus, but I heard they worship rocks and metal plates and sh*t too. They are polygamy supporters and want to subvert the US government. I have no idea how Romney could have got this far because of his 'religion'. Oh no, oh NO- I would never support a President like that. How many first Ladies are we gonna have? 2? 3? 10??? No way. Wake up brothers. Ah, it’s not that big a deal, I don’t see him getting the nomination anyway.
-Ron Paul: Another religious man (sorry God!), but he’s a throwback, an isolationist with a totally antiquated view of world politics. He’s against killing little babies (abortion), which I approve of, but the guy’s in the dark about the international components of US government. He needs to get real with himself and start paying attention. So no, I won’t be voting for this man.
-Fred Thompson: I saw this guy on ‘Law and Order’ (I love that show!), so if Giuliani tanks, he’s maybe my #2. If he can act that good, imagine how he could fool and trick those foreign dictator types. Kim Jong Il would be all charmed and sh*t- then BLAM- we take over before he knows what’s coming. That could work, if it were done right. The timing would have to be like ‘Mission Impossible’ tight though. I saw an issue of ‘Newsweek’ with an article about him at my Aunt’s house, so I’m gonna stop by after work soon to pick it up. It’s about time I start looking into this man’s politics. Yeah, I’m about that.
-RoRo OUT!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My first blog post!
Yo! My name's Roland, but ma friends call me RoRo. I’ve been meaning to start a current events blog for a year now. But I kept puttin’ it off because’a my schedule and the pressures of being a man in these here tumultuous times. But watching these presidential race primaries, it got a fire like thunder burning in my heart. It got so bad it was like the sorta passion one feels when the pastor rocks the mic in church on Sunday! So no MO procrastination yo. I am through with that week-old bullsh*t. My opinions are worth hearing ‘cause I am not only a teacher of youth, but also a black man who is also a conservative. Sure, there have been others, but they are all whitewashed to high heaven, if ya catch my drift. I ain’t no sell out, I am authentic to the utmost degree, trust me. I handle my business, my family and my car. I am always devoted to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Praise Jesus! So, with all that nonsense out of the way, here come my political blogs! I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship! (I am excited, can you tell?)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
